Discovering Gravity
Despite what those luscious, sexy locks might suggest, another famous figure thought to have died a virgin is famous physicist and apple target Sir Isaac Newton. Now, whether his understanding of gravity was really prompted by the bonk of a ripe red delicious is under question, as historians believe the story may have been spiced up a bit, not unlike a hot cider. Another thing historians believe, though obviously it’s pretty tough to verify, was Newton’s lifelong celibacy.
As far as historical discoveries go, the, well… gravity of Newton’s can’t be understated. Ironically, though, it seems that going down is something that Newton himself never experienced.
I apologize for this entire paragraph — and everything else, really.