Woman Praised For Helping Take Away Sister-In-Law’s Child — And It Has Nothing To Do With Safety

The story, posted to Reddit’s anonymous AITA (Am I The A–hole) forum, laid out a rather severe case of family discord.

While the issues were complex, Redditors overwhelmingly threw their support behind OP (a.k.a. the “original poster”) and for a very specific reason.

Read on to see how the whole thing played out.

“My SIL (husband’s older sister) and her husband (my husband’s BIL) are foster parents,” OP wrote, kicking off her story. “From November of last year to February of this year they had a foster daughter ‘Mae’. Mae was in foster care because her mother was addicted to drugs and was deemed unfit and unsafe for Mae to continue living with her.”

“Mae is 13. She was removed from her mom at the age of 10 and does still have visits with her mom. Mae loves her mom,” she continued. “This was clear from day one of her moving into SIL’s house. SIL and her husband were not understanding of Mae loving her mom. They would actively discourage her from wanting more access to her mom. Mae was writing letters to her mom and they read those and asked her why she would give up any stable home to go back to a dangerous life. It was so difficult for Mae and she reported SIL and her husband to the case worker but the case worker didn’t trust what Mae was saying.”

OP then explained how all that intel made it’s way to her.

“SIL and her husband would say these things around my husband, myself and their extended family.”

She then shared how personal this all was to her.

“I am also a former foster child and a child of an addict and I 10000% understand Mae,” she wrote. “So I attempted to explain to SIL and her husband that they were not helping Mae by disparaging her mom and that many foster kids love and miss and want their parents and being an addict doesn’t change that.”

Of course, this story wouldn’t have made it’s way to the AITA forum if her input was well-received.

“SIL told me it was none of my business and they did not want me to interfere again.”

However, it did make an impression on one person in particular, “Mae heard me speak to them and she opened up about how unhappy she was with my SIL and her husband and how frequent their disparaging comments about her mom or discouragement of her loving her mom happened. She was feeling so desperate and said they didn’t get it.”

According to OP, her husband advised his sister to actually listen to someone who went through what their foster daughter was going through now.

“My husband told SIL she should be more open to hearing my experiences as a foster child but she told him I was not Mae and she did not want her kids loving awful parents.”

It was then OP said she and her husband came to a drastic decision.

“My husband and I spoke about what happened and he encouraged me in reaching out to the case worker and explaining what was happening. This led to Mae being removed from SIL and her husband’s care.”

“SIL knew it had been me/us immediately,” the woman wrote. “My husband attempted to take all the blame but SIL said she knew it was me. She told me I had taken away Mae’s stability again and how dare I interfere when I was told to stay out of it.”

The fallout, according to OP, was what most might expect: “The rest of my husband’s family said we should have kept out of it and it really wasn’t any of our business. My husband told them it was wrong what his sister and her husband were doing to Mae. But they all believe I was too close to the background to understand it was not my place.”

As one might expect, the lion’s share of responses were in support of OP.

“You did the right thing and stepped up for Mae, and then the system quickly pulled her out of their care, and I must say, kudos to the system for that,” the highest rated comment observed. “There are way too many foster families that think that they’re there to save the children, rather than to give them a temporary home until the bio parent gets their life together. I’m also curious as to how many children your in laws foster, because there’s a LOT of money given by the state for foster children. Maybe it was more of a cash grab than actual concern for Mae’s wellbeing. I should also add that if they do still have foster children in their care, I really hope the state interviews each child to see if they’re playing this mind game with them as well.”

OP responded to that comment, explaining: “This is the first time since they started taking children into their home where they have no children at present. But they would always have 1-2 kids at a time and sometimes more if there were siblings needing a placement.”

Another commenter sent a message to others on the thread: “This is important to note: OP did not take Mae away; the foster system did because what the foster parents did was wrong! If OP had reported something that the case worker had identified as harmless, Mae would have stayed where she was. The people to blame for Mae ‘losing her stability’ (which wasnt stable at all) are the foster parents.”

While another noted that her being “too close to the background” made her uniquely qualified to get involved “That is a good reason why it was your place. They arrogantly refused to listen to the voice of experience, and to the child herself. Someone had to advocate for her.”

One commenter, meanwhile, shared a more personal response: “I was briefly removed from the home by CPS as a child, and I’m the child of two addicts. I adored my mom growing up (dad overdosed,) I loved her so much despite her addiction. Being the child of an addict often means loving your parent more than a typical child would, in a very anxious attachment way. I remember I would really cling to my mom, I never rebelled like my friends did. If someone would’ve told me then that I loved my mom too much, I would’ve been devastated. Only other children of addicts know the feeling of loving an addict parent.”

“I will say, to an outside source, my love for my mother wasn’t logical, SIL wouldn’t be TA if she’d just hear you out. Relationships with addicts are tricky and look irrational from an outside perspective. Mae is very likely to change her view on her mom when she’s older, but right now, reunification should be the goal. It’s frustrating to watch a child love their abuser (abusing drugs in the presence of a child is default abuse and neglect, I said what I said,) but the point of foster care is reunification,” they continued.

What do you think?