Woman Called ‘Stuck Up’ Gold Digger by Husband’s Adult Daughter After $10,000 Wedding Offer

In the story posted to Reddit’s infamous AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) forum, the OP (a.k.a. the “original poster”) says it all started when her older husband’s adult daughter asked about a budget for her upcoming wedding.

By the time it was all said and done, Redditors determined she might have more than one problem on her hands.

Read on to see the full story and how Redditors reacted.

“Ive 38F been married to my husband Rob 52M for 4 years now. My husband’s late wife died 1 year before we met and we dated for 2 years before marriage,” writes OP. “He has 2 kids 28-Madison and 26-Brett. Note I am not calling them my stepkids because they explicitly told me I am not their stepmom, just their dad’s wife.”

The woman explains that there has always been tension between her and his kids, so “Ive tried my best to be kind to them and have been generous when I can be, but they are very cold with me.” As a child of divorce, she gets it, so tries “not to force anything.”

That tension boiled over recently into what OP described as “the most flat out rude thing she ever said,” after Madison’s engagement. According to OP, the genesis of the comment was when Madison “asked about a wedding budget from us and Rob told her he was able to contribute 10k.”

Madison apparently wasn’t satisfied with this number, so kept asking for more. Later, while Rob was off running errands, Madison asked OP if she was going to give anything in addition to the $10k. “I told her were a marital unit and thats what we discussed together as a reasonable amount to contribute,” wrote OP.

“She then said ‘I should have known, obviously you married an older man for what he had, not for what you could give,'” OP continued, saying that this was the comment that set her off.

“I kinda lost it and said, ‘Excuse me, who do you think has been paying the second mortgage your dad took out to pay his debts?'”

OP explained that she makes significantly more than her husband, has no debt and has “been paying 70 percent of the household bills the whole time we’ve been married. The 10k were giving her, is available because Ive been able to subsidize her father’s living expenses the last few years.”

She detailed that prior to his wife’s death, her husband “basically wiped out his cash savings, had to cash out his 401k, and even took a small mortgage on his house to cover medical costs as well as life expenses since he had to cut back on working.” She said he then had to take an even lower-paying job for more flexibility.

After OP “made it clear that not only am I not a golddigger, Im literally wealthier than my ‘older husband,'” she says Madison “called me stuck up after this and stormed out.”

“Then she called her dad later and said that I told her that I blamed her mother for being sick for her not having a better wedding budget,” OP added. “I told him what happened and he was mad at her but also said I shouldnt have shared his financial details with his kids.”

With her husband and his daughter now both mad at her, OP turned to Reddit to see if she was in the wrong.

Redditors offered some criticism of both the daughter and OP’s husband in their reactions, with the largest consensus being that she was right to stand up for herself in this situation as everyone involved is an adult.

When one commenter told OP that she was going to lose with the kids either way — “you’re either stuck up or a gold digger to a child (even an adult one) who has determined to make you a wicked stepmother” — OP agreed. “Thats exactly why I thought I needed to tell her the truth,” she wrote. “Just tired of that trope.”

The common consensus was that the daughter was being unappreciative of the $10k offer. “If $10k isn’t considered a generous gift by the kids then someone failed them somewhere in setting expectations,” wrote one Redditor. “That’s an insane thing to think from them. Anything over $0 is generous.”

Another noted that despite the kids not making OP feel welcome in the family, Madison had the nerve to ask her to supplement their father’s offer. “I hate you. You are not my stepmom. You’re a golddigger. I’ve been rude to you for years. Now, give me money,” commented one user. “Say what?”

“The fact that her reaction was to cry and ask for more shows she actually sees your husband the way she said you see him; as a bank account,” wrote another. “She likely said what she did out of projection.”

Several Redditors called out OP’s husband, as well, for not being more forthright with his children about money. Even if he kept his finances a secret in the past, this argument should be reason enough to come clean now. “He should add in an aside about how much of a help OP has been with his financial situation. It won’t improve the kids’ relationships with OP, but maybe hearing that from their dad’s mouth will make them ease up on the vitriol a little.”

Unfortunately, some didn’t think his words would mean much if the children were determined to villainize OP, with one noting, “The truth will not make them ease up. When my SO’s kids hear the truth, they defend their mother and move the goal posts.”

Another agreed, writing, “Yeah, the ‘kids’ are clearly just looking for an excuse to hate OP. ‘you married my father for his money!’ ‘actually he’s in debt, and I have been subsidizing his lifestyle.’ ‘you’re so stuck up!'”

As for the husband’s reaction, some Redditors were even more harsh with their assessment of him, with one flat-out saying that OP has “a husband problem” for him not defending her. “Your husband is willing for you to take the blame from his daughter rather than be honest about his finances,” they wrote.

They also felt that it was her father’s responsibility to put the issue to rest and be honest about his financial situation, rather than let his wife keep taking hits. “His wanting to hide this from his kids makes it seem like he may have been more comfortable with them thinking his wife is the bad guy instead of the truth about his financial situation,” commented one person. “Personally I wouldn’t be ok with that if I were OP.”

“He’s willing to let daughter insult you and expects you not to respond when he’s well aware that you are subsidizing him,” the commenter continued. “He gets to be good daddy being dragged down by the evil gold digger. Are you willing to let that stand?”

Another commenter took it a step further, postulating, “Your husband needs to have stern words with his kids. If he doesn’t have a word about calling you a gold digger and then spouting lies, you maybe need to consider whether he does actually love and respect you. Perhaps he’s the gold digger!!”