Fiance’s Teeth Grinding Has Woman On Brink Of Calling Off Wedding

The tale, posted to an anonymous forum, came from the woman’s very real, very active Reddit account with nearly 7 years of user history — something almost unheard of in the AITA (am I the a–hole) community, which usually sees people posting from throwaway accounts.

The apparent veracity and authenticity of her post seemed to draw mostly thoughtful replies as the woman struggled to find a solution to her problem.

Read on to see exactly why she was so upset (and the comment that may have changed everything) below.

WIBTA If I Called Off My Wedding Because My Fiancé Won’t Wear a Night Guard?

“My (29F) fiancé (25M) have been together for 5 years, living together for 2.5 years. He and I both grind our teeth at night, however I wear a night guard every night and he does not,” OP (original poster) began. “For at least the last year I have been asking him to wear a night guard as I can hear him grinding his teeth at night. Its to the point where sometimes it even wakes me up, but generally it is just a very unpleasant sound. (Nails on a chalkboard level of awful.)”

“When this first became a problem he went and bought a night guard and wore it but he would spit it out in his sleep. That happened enough that our dog got ahold of it and chewed it up. He replaced it a couple times, at my request, but eventually stopped,” she continued. “For a while I let it go as it wasn’t waking me up and overall I didn’t notice it. I started noticing it again a few months later and asked him to get another night guard. He decided to try using his Invisalign retainers which worked fine, but he stopped using those after a couple nights too.”

“Since then there have been countless nights of me waking him up to put the retainers in. I try every way possible to wake him nicely, but eventually I have to shake him awake enough and he puts them in while half awake and mad. In the morning I will tell him about it and he says he doesn’t remember. After these incidents I’ve tried telling him how much it bothers me. I tried brainstorming other ideas or finding a compromise but all he says is he just doesn’t like wearing it but he will try to do better.”

“The last time I brought it up I lost my mind. I started yelling and screaming telling him I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t sleep. The sounds makes me want to rip my ears off etc. He slept on the couch that night and said he would try to wear it more and apologized. He did for a night or two and is now back to not wearing it again,” OP wrote, clearly at her wits end.

“I can’t take it anymore and I can’t live the rest of my life like this. I don’t know how else to explain to him how much it bothers me. If he wanted to discuss compromise (or discuss it at all beyond complaining about wearing one and making empty promises to wear it) I would offer to wear earplugs or something but at this point it’s the principle of it. He has disregarded my requests time and time again and I feel like he just doesn’t respect me/my needs nor does he seem to care to try and fix it,” she concluded.

“So wibta for calling off the wedding over this?”

Why She’s Really Upset … And the Comment That May Have Changed Everything

Most of the commenters were intent on helping OP solve the problem, with many sharing their personal experiences dealing with sleep issues while in a relationship.

“My partner is an excessive snorer, kept me up to the point where I was getting 2 hours of sleep a night. He didn’t think it was all too bad. I suggested for ages to go see a doctor,” one thoughtful Redditor shared. “The lack of sleep drove me to a depression, so I told him, for my sanity, sleep on the couch. He slept on the couch, until he finally got his act together and went to the doctor. He has sleep apnea, now has a cpap, problem solved, finally able to sleep in the same bed again.”

“I think it might be time for a sit down as grown ups, talk about what waking up to his teeth grinding does for you, letting him know it comes from a place for care about him and care about a relationship where you both pitch in and try to work stuff out instead of ignoring problems until it’s too late, and that you’re willing to help him find information about this and support him or go with him to a dentist if he feels uncomfortable going by himself,” they wrote, giving some sound advice. “Don’t ignore this or let it build up, it’s gonna catch up with you sooner or later. It’s his health issue to remedy, all you can do is support him while remedying it and letting him know when from your side enough is enough.”

While another added: “This same thing happened to my wife and I. I refused to do the sleep study for ages, she finally snapped, I did it, and go figure, 52 apnea events every 60 minutes (severe). I can use my cpap for 4 hours now and get better sleep than I did in 10 hours. No more snoring. She sleeps like she should now too. Don’t be me, y’all, listen to your partner.”

“This is an incredible reply,” OP said in reply. “Thank you so much. I will have to show him this comment and hopefully it will help him see what I’ve been trying to say.”

Elsewhere, she responded to more negative comments.

“I figured I should respond to both of you comments at once so here is your other comment,” OP wrote in reply to one commenter.

“YTA and f*** me offer the poor man a face massage from a qualified professional who has experience with TMJ, or better yet why not a counsellor who has experience with anxiety – a mouth guard is a temporary “solution” that doesn’t work for everyone,” she wrote quoting them.

“First I didn’t offer because I have tried to initiate conversations about how to fix this and he doesn’t want to talk about it. Like why offer to fix it myself when he won’t even work with me on it,” OP said in her response.

“As for the second massage you missed the part where I said I also grind my teeth. I actually do have tmj and get injections to try and relieve some of the tension and pressure in my jaw. If I can get my medical needs taken care of when it comes to the same issue then he can too,” she concluded.

When another person accused her of refusing to wear earplugs, she wrote: “I haven’t refused to try earplugs he hasn’t even suggested them. Like I try and talk to him to try and work through how we can find a solution but he just blows it off. Had he asked me to wear them I would give it a shot, but what happens if I don’t like wearing them. Lol like we’re back to square one.”

Then came the personal revelation, as she shared what was really bugging her: “I guess the real issue is I don’t feel heard and our communication is lacking.”

What do you think?