Yes, D.B. Cooper, the mysterious man who took a plane hostage, demanded (and received) a fortune from the FBI, then parachuted away, never to be seen again. We never found him, maybe because he immediately hit the ground and died. What does it mean, that this very plane later shuttled officials to America’s most secret site? Nothing, as far as we can officially declare, but we have an unfinished novel that seeks to answer that very question.
Bill Clinton Squashed Investigations into Whether Area 51 Chemicals Gave People Fish Skin
In the 1990s, Area 51 workers said chemicals were killing them. Not crazy mind-control chemicals, no, but the sort of chemicals you get when you burn toxic waste. The place destroyed equipment by dumping jet fuel on it and setting it on fire, emitting poisonous smoke, alleged the workers.
That sounds pretty plausible based on what we’ve learned since, through contexts unrelated to Area 51. We’re not talking about how jet fuel melts steel beams but about military burn pits, which are how the military destroys stuff in the desert when safer disposal techniques aren’t an option. Burn pits made the news last year thanks to a successful campaign to get vets health care coverage for being exposed to them.
Area 51 workers called the complex’s constant smoke “London fog.” It hurt their skin and lungs. Two workers died — from the chemicals, said their families. As for exactly what the chemicals were, doctors studied the “exotic substances” on one worker’s body but were unable to identify them. The families sued, starting by demanding info on the burned materials. The lawsuit didn’t progress very quickly, as the government didn’t even acknowledge it had a facility at the spot the plaintiffs were talking about.
The lawyer representing them obtained photos of Area 51. He obtained them from Russia, for a low price (we suppose he didn’t think to examine NASA’s public archine), and he presented them to a judge to prove that something was going on at Groom Lake. It was why workers grew hard membranes on their hands and limbs, membranes they referred to as fish scales. It was why their faces split and bled. The workers were civilian contractors, not enlisted personnel, and if the government committed environmental crimes, it seemed like the workers had standing to sue. Then Bill Clinton issued a Presidential Determination, exempting Area 51 from all environmental laws in the name of state secrecy.
The plaintiffs appealed for years, but the order held, and the investigation ended. Today, if you ever think you’re seeing gray aliens running screaming in the Nevada desert, maybe they’re sheet-metal workers riddled with rashes and cancer.
Or, maybe it’s aliens. Yeah, on second thought, maybe it would be more reassuring to just say it’s aliens.
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