Other trendy treats will assure you that they’re “naturally sweetened” and that their cookies, bars, or balls eschew evil sugar for the inherent, wholesome sweetness provided by dates or coconut. Sounds great, except there’s not much difference, especially since dates and coconuts are among the most calorific things you can stuff in your mouth. Hell, they’re included on lists of food recommendations for people trying to gain weight.
Hold up, these foods are more nutritious than pure sugar. Well, yeah, a bit. But the people trying to get their nutritive content from sweets probably won’t notice life-changing effects from an extra 5 micrograms of selenium or an additional whisper of magnesium—you probably absorb more minerals when your cat sneezes in your face.
Plus, as with the chips, check out the ingredients. A food may boast, for example, “no sugar added,” but oh look, the second ingredient is date powder. Or these date biscuits, in which the first ingredient is dates, aka mostly sugar. They even mention that dates are a prominent historical sugar alternative, which is no wonder since they basically are sugar.
Lest you think we’re cherry-picking, next time you go to Costco or Whole Foods or the fancy aisle at your local grocery (not to trash-talk these fine establishments), glance at all the luxury sweets or goodies that try to pass themselves off as healthier alternatives. Their sugar claims don’t matter much if among the first few, possibly first, ingredients you see agave syrup, brown rice syrup, or some other trendier form of sugar.
Plus, though many will hate reading this: sugar isn’t evil. So the best way to chisel at those love handles is to track our total caloric intake and not worry so much about the source. Or to make a soul-pact with Lucifer; your choice.
Wait a minute, you need to go back to nutrition school, Cracked: not all carbs have the same biological effect, glycemic index! Sure, different carb sources traverse slightly different physio pathways before they end up as extra cushioning on our ass. But the glycemic index won’t save us when we’re hundreds of calories over maintenance. And the general populace typically buys these trendy goodies hoping to get slimmer, in which case the benefit may be minimal at best.
Thumbnail: Famartin/Wiki Commons – CC/BY-SA/4.0
Related: 5 Disturbing Ways Food Will Be Different in the Future
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