Man Called ‘Horrible Person’ for Group Costume with Little People — But Internet Disagrees

The story, posted to the AITA (Am I The A–hole) forum, shares how the idea for the costume first came about and how things took a turn for the worse.

For most Redditors, context was everything in this situation as it added perspective to the costume, as well as the strong reaction OP (a.k.a. the “original poster”) got afterward.

Read on to see how the rest of the party reacted.

“So my best friend for about 7 years, we’ll call him Derek, is a little person. He has 3 brothers who are all little people and they are all so comfortable with their lives and love making jokes about their height. I have somewhat of a dark sense of humor but was uncomfortable joining them in the jokes until I really got to know them and they assured me it was ok,” OP wrote.

“Anyways there was a costume party for our mutual friends birthday where everyone was supposed to be a movie character. Derek and his brothers came to me and asked me if I would be comfortable dressing up as Willy Wonka while they all dressed up as Oompa Loompas, explained OP. “I said sure and we went to the party. We got a few looks, but nobody said anything at the party.”

It wasn’t until the next day that OP learned how the costume was really received the night before.

“Well this morning I woke up to a bunch of texts calling me a horrible person for doing that and insinuating I made the suggestion for the group costume,” he shared. “No matter what I say in my defense gets blasted back at me as doubling down on my ignorance. Usually in these cases I ignore it because I try not to let other peoples perceptions of me bother me, but with the amount of people messaging me I’m just kinda overwhelmed. Am I the A–hole?”

Unlike the OPs actual friends, commenters on Reddit initially gave OP an overwhelming amount of support.

One commenter even wrote a message they said OP should respond to his friends with: “That’s really bizarre. Are you saying that I should have overruled Derek’s choice of a group costume because I’m a better arbiter of what is offensive to little people than he is? Are you saying that all roles in movies played by little people are inherently offensive? Which costumes do you think are appropriate for little people to wear? And while we’re on the subject, why are you complaining to me instead of Derek? Is it because you don’t value his opinion on the situation as much as that of an average height person? There were literally five of us who were part of the group costume, and you’ve decided to discount the perspectives of four out of the five people?”

The commenter then added, “NTA. I would encourage you to stop defending the choice of costume, and redirect complainers to the person who actually chose it. They are all being inherently ableist by exclusively complaining to you without even discussing it with the person they suppose is the victim.”

Another commenter also called OPs friends “ableists” writing, “NTA. I snort-laughed. I’m not a little person but I am physically disabled, and ableds love to infantilize us. They can’t believe we could possibly be self-aware and make jokes about our disability. You’re the one treating Derek and his brothers like normal human beings, while the people harassing you are treating them like children who can’t make their own decisions. They’re the ableists, not you.”

They also wondered why all these outraged people only reached out to OP the morning after the party. If they were offended on behalf of his friends, why didn’t they speak out?

“If they really felt the costume was taking advantage of the friends, did any of them ask them while it was happening if they were cool with it? It just seems like texting OP after the fact isn’t really all that helpful,” wrote one.

Another noted, “If I saw someone in a bad situation, my first instinct would be to check in with them, not scold the wrongdoer. And even if I was too cowardly to do anything in the moment, I would check on them the next day, to see what — if anything — they wanted support with. After all, if someone is truly being taken advantage of, simply confronting the abuser could make things worse for the victim.”

OP came back later with an update to the thread offering more details about the costume itself, and the aftermath. The group was “specifically dressed from the 1971 movie with Gene Wilder and Derek and his brothers were the only little people at the party,” he said. OP also added that he had around 30 texts from friends complaining about the costume, who were all people he barely knew.

But that’s where the story takes a twist and offers possible additional context to the backlash. It turns out one of “Derek’s” brothers purportedly felt “forced” into the costume idea.

“Apparently, his [Derek] younger brother, we’ll call him Ethan, wasn’t wanting to be an Oompa Loompa for the party but got roped into the idea by the others before coming to me and had made a passing comment about it during the party,” OP wrote in his update.

“His comment was either taken as all 4 of them were unhappy with the costume or word spread and got twisted into it being my idea. Basically, it was a huge misunderstanding,” OP added.

OP also revealed that “Ethan” did call and apologize for getting him into this situation, explaining how the conversation that triggered all those text messages went down.

“He [Ethan] had bought a separate costume he was wanting to wear for the party only to be told Derek had already bought 4 Oompa Loompa costumes and couldn’t return them. So he figured he’d save the separate costume for Halloween,” OP wrote. “He said someone came up and asked him about the costumes and he answered honestly, but didn’t think his comment would cause anything especially since the end of his comment reiterated he was having a good time.”

He also said that all of the brothers have since come to his defense and the text messages stopped, though no one has apologized to him.

While most Redditors agreed that the additional context makes it even more clear that OP is NTA, one commenter noted that context isn’t always taken into consideration and that things like this can follow you for years.

“Dressing like that is bad optics … so let me explain as you see with celebrities,” they warned. “You take a pic, 15yrs later this Pic crops up and then you get lambasted.. company you work for dont wanna hear a explanation. So be smart and don’t do it again … just looks super bad.”

What do you think?