Woman Insists Husband is Not Having Affair with Newly Pregnant Widow — Plumbing & Ventilation ‘Issues’ Raise Suspicions

However, her story would not have made its way to the AITA (Am I The A–hole) forum on Reddit (which is entirely anonymous) if there were not additional layers of complexity and conflict.

From her own suspicions about the widow to readers of the post raising flags about OP’s husband (OP stands for “original poster”) — which she denied — to quibbles over the exact meaning of these rather trivial interactions, this one definitely had people talking.

Read on to see how the whole thing played out.

“My family (me, husband, 2 daughters) live directly across from our neighbor, ‘Ade’ who is from what I remember, 6 months pregnant,” OP wrote, kicking off the post. “Our neighborhood grew close when her husband died 2 months ago due to a drunk driver. The entire neighborhood basically came to help and even now the community still does semi-monthly-ish BBQs and stuff.”

She went on to share how, in her own way, she empathize with the widow’s situation.

“We know how it felt to have a parent absent (now, no, my husband did not die but he was still deployed when we were pregnant with our first. I know that this is NOT the same thing she is going through) so we often checked on her, invited her over, conversations on how to handle being on your own while pregnant.”

“For a couple of weeks now, she’s been asking my husband to be her handyman,” OP recounted. “My husband has no issue with this and neither did I until a week or so ago. She asks my husband for help over the simplest things and barely talks to me anymore. Most times she’ll knock, ask if my husband is home and if I say no, she tells me to let him know she needs him and walks off. No talking, having chai together, nothing.”

This clearly started to wear on OP.

“I can admit I am a little bit jealous and felt weird about this. It was like she was only wanting my husband around. I tried to push these feeling aside until the first incident.”

She then went on to describe that very incident: “Basically she knocked on my door and handed a covered plate of cookies. I got excited and started to thank her, how the girls love cookies, but she interrupted me and told me that these were STRICTLY for my husband. Not for us. I had a sour taste in my mouth and thanked her. It made me feel like she was trying to have a Big House and Little House situation.”

“I let my husband know what happened and how I felt,” OP said. “He assured me nothing was going on (no doubt) but he also agreed that what she did was disrespectful. We agreed he would stop going over. He would give her the numbers of men he knows who do maintenance.”

Then came a moment where the drama was outed to the rest of the neighborhood.

“She has been cold with us. The second incident happened when the community was having a BBQ in our neighborhood park. The children were running around and us adults were sitting with the lawn chairs talking about whatever. Ade piped up and said how she is grateful to us all for helping her, even me after ‘it was strange how you basically forbid your husband to come over to help anymore’. I got a little mad, like I was slapped by God himself, and just said ‘well, baking a gift for my husband only and saying his wife and daughters aren’t included is strange too’. Another neighbor changed the topic, it was awkward.”

“I’m sure there’s gossip and whatnot. On one hand I know she must still be grieving and maybe she’s just looking to have someone to be there for her. On the other hand, I feel like the incident with the cookies and then the BBQ makes me feel disrespected. My husband is not happy with how I responded. He says it is not my job to ‘check’ someone and I should’ve just let her talk.”

“I guess I just want to know if I was a jealous a–hole through all of this. I don’t really have anyone I could talk to about this personally,” she concluded.

As you might imagine, Redditors zeroed in on OP’s husband in all of this … a topic the woman seemed to mostly skirt in her original post. However, she was very active in responding to questions in the comments.

The highest rated response on the post noted a number of issues important to readers: “I get that she is grieving, and probably not in her right mind, but the cookies thing was weird. If she’d said, I made them for [your] husband, as a thanks for all the work he’s done for me, that’s fair. But to say they are strictly just for him, that’s weird.”

“And you were basically politely letting it go until she called you out in public so I think it is fair to answer her in public,” the comment continued. “Plus honestly, how much DIY or maintenance help does one house need? It’s been two months since her husband died and your husband has had to go over multiple times? As a single woman who is useless at DIY and has to get someone in to fix almost anything, [I’m not calling handymen] monthly never mind weekly.”

OP simply wrote in reply: “I do not know the maintenance her home needs. I know some houses are minor ‘fixers’ so maybe that. My husband often just mentions plumbing or ventilation.”

That sent Redditors off.

“Husband’s response is frankly concerning,” wrote one, while another noted: “I think something happened between husband and neighbor, and it was at that point that the neighbor stopped interacting with the wife. The plate of cookies was her marking her territory. The fact that the husband left the neighbor with the idea that wife was forbidding him to come over – huge red flag. The fact that the husband did not want the wife to defend herself from those accusations at the party – another huge red flag. Your neighbor doesn’t owe you loyalty, but your husband sure does…..and he is failing.”

“Oh I’m sure there’s issues with her plumbing but hopefully he’s not helping her with that,” joked another Redditor, who then added: “Seriously is he saying plumbing and ventilation? That’s a massive red flag my friend. It’s super weird. All of a sudden her husband dies and she undergoes ventilation repair? C’mon…”

While someone else chimed in with a personal anecdote: “Different situation but when my dad started dating his girlfriend he had to go at least once a week to ‘fix her washing machine.’ He was not in any way a handy man and I never heard of him doing washing machine repairs for anyone else. Nice try, Pop!”

When someone else asked if her husband had agreed to no longer go over, she replied: “It was an agreement between us after I told him what happened and how I felt. He said it was weird for how she approached trying to give the gift, especially giving it to me directly.”

“Soft YTA [you’re the a–hole], your family went from providing her with a lot of support to cutting her off completely, without any explanation,” wrote another. “By doing so you turned it into a hostile situation. That being said she was also being rude, but whether she should get a pass on this or not given her situation is up to you. The cookies thing was odd, but I don’t see why that should have been the breaking point.”

OP was quick to reply: “It felt like the breaking point because she started to ‘separate’ from us in a way but was still very open towards my husband.”

“Yeah we get that, but, her making cookies for your husband, I assume as a thank you for helping her, and asking that nobody touch them until he receives them isn’t a bad thing in and of itself,” replied the same commenter. “Maybe she phrased it badly or there’s an awkward vibe between you two so it came across as hostile from her, but it’s not that unusual to bring a gift over and say that it’s just for a particular person. You just chose this to be the cut off point and where you probably could have done it in a gradual manner chose to just cut off the support entirely. Your not obliged to help her of course, but given that you still socialise and live alongside her, it probably could have been handled with a bit more grace.”

“It was not ‘let your husband eat them first’, she very clearly said that the gift was only for him,” OP responded. “I’m not really sure how to be with her from here. I do not have any hatred towards her but I do feel less of her now.”

“It doesn’t seem to matter now though since you’ve made it clear to her that you and your family no longer want much to do with her,” that same Redditor wrote. “And saying ‘They’re just for (husband)’ again isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Maybe she was worried they’d be mostly eaten by the time he got to have some. Obviously them being his cookies he can share them if he wants. I think you might have been taking it way too literally.”

Which got a short reply from OP, “I did not consider this”.

However, others on the thread feared that OP would waffle on the issue, as one wrote: “Don’t consider it, they just want to make excuses because they feel sympathy for the pregnant widow. And don’t get me wrong, I can’t imagine her situation, but it’s no excuse to be crappy to someone helping you. And she was crappy to you.”

What do you think?