Woman ‘Abandons’ Stepdaughter Only To Learn Uncomfortable Truth About New Husband

While the tale, posted to an anonymous forum, first took the form of a write in for advice it soon transformed into a kind of public diary where OP (a.k.a. the “original poster”) shared updates and revelations about her new family.

While it was clear to everyone on the AITA (Am I The A–hole) Reddit forum that OP was not in the wrong, some of their advice spurred the woman to have a real heart-to-heart with her stepdaughter that ended up changing everything.

Read on to see the woman’s tale in full.

“Hello all. I (43 F) have been married to my husband, George, (45M) for about a year now, and it’s been wonderful! Except for one thing. His daughter, Rachel, (15F) can’t stand me,” she wrote, kicking off the lengthy post.

“Ever since we got married, George has been pushing ‘family trips’ and ‘quality time’ between me and Rachel. I have no problem with it on paper, but Rachel does. George and Rachel have gotten into many an argument over the fact that Rachel doesn’t like me or want a relationship with me. Rachel says I’m not her mom, will never be, and that she won’t pretend I am.”

“I’ve been conflicted on what to do,” OP admitted. “On one hand, George is Rachel’s parent, not me, so I don’t really get a say in what rules he puts on her. On the other hand, I hate seeing Rachel so miserable every time we go out on a girls trip or are sent for bonding time by George.”

Then came the moment where she decided to finally do something about it.

“So I made a decision. I sat George down and explained I wasn’t comfortable with these family trips anymore. I explained that Rachel would always have a place in our home (this is where her dad lives, after all, she belongs here as much as I do), and that of course I’d be there if she asked to spend time together, needed something, or if there was an emergency and I had to take care of her. But I wouldn’t be going on these outings anymore because I was uncomfortable with how upset they were making Rachel.”

That didn’t go over well with her husband.

“George was pissed. He accused me of undermining his parenting decisions and abandoning Rachel by refusing to fight for our family. I replied that I wasn’t part of Rachel’s family! She doesn’t like me! She’s made it clear I’ll never be her mother! So I didn’t see the point in forcing her to have ‘mommy-daughter spa days’ and whatever else with me against her will!”

“George told me I needed to reevaluate my priorities if I wanted to stay together and accused me of wanting to cut his daughter out of our family before storming out,” OP recounted. “I’m gutted. Of course I don’t want to cut Rachel out of our lives or family! She’s George’s daughter, I know she’ll always come first to him, and I’d never want to sabotage their relationship or hurt her! But that’s why I don’t want to keep forcing a bond between us! Because that’s hurting her and putting a wedge between them!”

“I don’t know. Did I overstep? Am I really hurting Rachel or our family by putting my foot down here? I love George, and I care about Rachel, so whatever the judgment is, I’ll accept it. I just want to do what’s best for everyone!”

She then added a note defending her stepkid: “Briefly editing to ask people to please please not be rude to Rachel. Most people here have been supportive of both her and me, which I appreciate, but a few people have called her a brat and similar such things. Rachel is generally well behaved and hasn’t done anything drastic or overly disruptive, she’s just a kid who’s a bit standoffish and sarcastic sometimes because she’s hurting over her parents divorce and not seeing George enough.”

But that wasn’t the only update OP was going to make as she was inspired by some of the advice on the forum and took action in real time.

“Okay. A lot of you gave the advice that I should talk to Rachel so we can present a united front to George and show that neither of us wanted this. I sat Rachel down this morning and gently broached the subject with her,” she wrote.

“I explained that I knew she wasn’t looking for a mom, that she already had one, and that was okay. I told her that I didn’t need her to see me as a mother, or even like me. She was a smart and well behaved kid and she deserved to have a say in who she wants a relationship with,” OP recounted. “I told her that I was with her 100% in what she wanted, and that we could talk to George together, because I was going to follow her lead no matter what.”

Things, however, took a twist, which often happens when a truly respectful and honest line of communication is opened.

“Rachel got kinda quiet for a minute and then her face just…crumbled,” OP wrote. “She told me she didn’t hate me at all, that I was nice to her and seemed interested in her life. The real problem was, in her words, that she wished her parents were too.”

“I’ll be honest, that broke my heart,” the stepmother admitted. “I had to try very hard not to tear up in front of her, because this was the first time she’d opened up to me or given any indication she even liked me at all, and I didn’t want to ruin that by putting my emotions first. I did my best to comfort her, and promised Rachel that I was here for her in any way she needed.”

But OP didn’t stop there as she shared next steps in her new plan of action.

“I’m going to have a talk with George. First by myself (Rachel is scared to talk to him), and then potentially with Rachel so she can speak for herself, if George is receptive.”

“I’m also going to push George to get therapy (individual and also couples, potentially with rachel too if she wants to),” she concluded. “More than anything, I’ll keep trying to be there for Rachel. I know I’m not her mom, and I’m not expecting her to suddenly start acting like we’re best friends. But I know now that my efforts are appreciated by her, and that only makes me more determined to advocate for and support her however she’s comfortable with.”

Readers of the post were, as you might expect, very touched and supportive of OP, who came across as a very thoughtful and kind person in the post and subsequent updates.

What do you think?