These jokes will make you yell “booyah!” or your money back.
Tommy Boy (1995)
Tommy: I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull’s ass, but I’d rather take a butcher’s word for it.
Billy Madison (1995)
Principal: Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy: Okay. A simple ‘wrong’ would’ve done just fine.
Office Space (1999)
Milton Waddams: The ratio of people to cake is too big.
Dazed and Confused (1993)
Wooderson: Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)
Raoul Duke: There he goes. One of God’s own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Boy Meets World (1993-2000)
Shawn: How do you ask a girl out?
Cory: Simple. You open the door and say, “Get out, you are bothering me.”
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990-1996)
Uncle Phil: We eat here later. You eat here never.
Jazz: Looks like you eat here often.
The Drew Carey Show (1995-2004)
Nigel Wick: I want your pee on my desk by the end of the afternoon.
Drew Carey: Oh, I’ll pee on your desk.
Nigel Wick: In a cup.
Drew Carey: Oh, I’ll pee in a cup.
Nigel Wick: Not my coffee cup.
Drew Carey: Oh, I just like talking like this because it makes you nervous.
Just Shoot Me! (1997-2003)
Dennis Finch: Carmen.
Carmen Electra: Finch.
Dennis Finch: (offers a hug) What, no hug?
Carmen Electra: Finch, I already hugged you 20 minutes ago in the lobby.
Dennis Finch: Oh, right. I forgot. Forgive me?
(They hug.)
Elliot DiMauro: Mr. Finch, please don’t squeeze the Carmen.
Clueless (1995)
Amber: Ms. Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn’t want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.
Dionne: Well, there goes your social life.
Dumb and Dumber (1994)
Lloyd Christmas: We got no food, we got no jobs… our PETS’ HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!
Office Space (1999)
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well, at least your name isn’t Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know, there’s nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton: There *was* nothing wrong with it… until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir: Hmm… well, why don’t you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
Michael Bolton: No way! Why should I change? He’s the one who sucks.
Billy Madison (1995)
Billy Madison: No, I will not make out with you! Did ya hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what, and all she can talk about is making out with me. I’m here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.
Tommy Boy (1995)
Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?
Richard Hayden: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right.
Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
Richard Hayden: I know, they’re called doctors.