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The holidays can be a tough time for millions of Americans for an array of different reasons. We know this based on decades of mental health research.
This Thanksgiving on Thursday marks the start of these awkward family get togethers for many and I’m wondering if this Reddit ‘AITA’ post about a family’s Thanksgiving Code of Conduct drama is the dumbest idea ever or if there might be some merit to it. Would the holidays be more enjoyable if we all agree to just be quiet at the dinner table only only talk about how bad the slate of NFL games is?
Let me also say this right off the bat: I do not think the person who posted ‘AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving after my sister handed out a “Family Code of Conduct” contract?’ to reddit is, in fact, the person in the wrong here. They sound completely reasonable and it sounds like her sister is completely insane. I say that because it is the person who is hosting/cooking Thanksgiving for the family who was asked to sign the Thanksgiving Code of Conduct by her sister who is nothing more than a guest attempting to “help bring some order” to the day.
Here is what she had to say about how the Thanksgiving Family Code of Conduct came to exist:
This happened recently, and I’m still baffled. For context, I (32F) have hosted Thanksgiving for my family every year since I moved into my house five years ago. It’s always a little messy and chaotic, but that’s part of the charm, right?
This year, my sister (29F) decided she wanted to “help bring some order” to the gathering. At first, I thought she just meant coordinating who would bring what dishes or helping with cleanup. Instead, she showed up at my house last week with printed copies of what she called a “Family Code of Conduct.”
Already, as a guest trying to impose rules on everyone else you should know that you are in the wrong. If you want more control over the day then host it yourself. The woman who posted then shared some highlights from the family’s Thanksgiving Code of Conduct, those include:
- A rule against “overlapping conversations” at the dinner table, with suggestions for taking turns like “a respectful debate club.”
- A “ban on political or controversial topics,” with her as the final arbiter of what was too heated.
- A dress code of “smart casual” because “holiday photos should reflect well on the family.”
- Assigned seating that she claimed was based on “optimal personality compatibility.”
For what it’s worth, their brother is on the good side here. Her reddit post reads “my mom thinks I should’ve just humored her for the day, while my brother (35M) is refusing to go anywhere unless ‘no one tries to draft a holiday constitution.‘”
Clearly the younger sister is in the wrong here. And her recommendations/demands are outrageous. But would a Thanksgiving Code of Conduct be worth it if it looked differently?
What if, for instance, the Code of Conduct just said ‘if you’re going to say something offensive you have to chug your drink first’? Or what about if it said ‘speaking at the table is only allowed between refilling plates.’ Then we’re looking at a well-oiled discussion where everyone is getting a lot to eat.
In that situation, I’m perfectly fine with a code of conduct. But I’m not trying to live in a world where someone infringes on my rights to piss off whichever relative is actively trying to ruin the holiday but needling their proverbial pressure points. That’s part of the greatness of Thanksgiving and how the memories get made.