“I don’t like these brides, and they go and register for their own gifts. Who decided it was OK to pick out your own gifts? And then they act surprised when they get the gift and write you a thank-you letter like, ‘Oh my God, thank you so much for your thoughtful gift. How did you know? It’s like, b*tch, you picked it out, that’s how I knew, OK? I typed in your name and a ceiling fan came up.”
Jimmy O. Yang
Conaco
Thanks for just being you, Jimmy.
“Representation matters, man. A lot of Asian people come up to me, very proud, very nice. They’re like, Jimmy, thank you for represent the Asians, man. I’m like, eh, you’re welcome. But you do understand, it’s not really a choice, right? Like, when you wake up Asian, you can only represent Asians. I couldn’t just wake up one day and be like, f*ck it, I’m representing Nigerians today.”
Whitney Cummings
Realism in the bedroom.
“Apparently, the most popular role play fantasy is the nurse fantasy. If I was going to do the nurse fantasy for my man, I would just make him wait in the living room for an hour and read Highlights magazine before rejecting his health insurance.”