Sometimes, it’s difficult to discern where the bit ends and the real man begins. That’s certainly the case for the millions of people who follow The Gstaad Guy, the persona behind a viral Instagram account that lampoons the swanky exploits of the global one-percent. We incidentally learned his real name [redacted] over email, and through a little more internet sleuthing, found out that he’s 28 years old, stands an alpine 6-foot-6, and went to an international high school in London. His character, in fact, stems from this upper-class upbringing: he made a video mocking his rich friends that then circulated around WhatsApp. It started with Constance, a Loro Piana-wearing lover of good manners and Gstaad. Soon after, the lore expanded to Cousin Colton, who represents the crypto-slinging nouveau riche. (The irony being, of course, that The Gstaad Guy counts among his fans plenty of people from both sects, including Logan Paul, Princess Olympia of Greece, even Elon Musk’s mom.) But now that he’s sufficiently parodied the billionaires in his followers list, The Gstaad Guy is stepping out of character to host his own podcast. Ahead of its release on May 1st, we slid into his DMs to get his thoughts on yappers, yacht parties, and champagne tariffs.
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EMMA STOUT: Hi, ready to get started?
GSTAAD GUY: Hey Emma! I am 🥳🥳
STOUT: A/S/L?
GSTAAD GUY: I’m 28/Male/Based between London, Gstaad, Monaco, Milan, Andermatt, Florence, Saint Tropez, Saint Moritz, New York, Los Angeles, and Doha.
STOUT: On that note, which is the greater faux pas: going to Gstaad without knowing French or wearing monogrammed designer pieces?
GSTAAD GUY: Although French is always useful, Gstaad welcomes all—except those covered in monogrammed designer pieces. So the monogrammed designer pieces, for sure. I’ve always said it—the only thing that should be monogrammed is the inside of your passport or your vintage Louis Vuitton trunk. Otherwise, keep it plain, simple, and logo-free. Understatement above all.
STOUT: What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
GSTAAD GUY: I put on my robe, slip on my slippers, and step onto my terrace for a very deep breath of very fresh air. Ideally, Swiss mountain air.
STOUT: The best air money can buy. What’s in your system right now?
GSTAAD GUY: A caviar omelette from the Beverly Hills Hotel. I’m currently in Los Angelé.
STOUT: Yum. If Constance went to a dinner party where the caviar was served with a metal spoon, would he emerge stronger or utterly broken?
GSTAAD GUY: Emerge much stronger. I’ve been a BYOS (Bring Your Own Spoon) man for a very long time. Particularly, a mother-of-pearl caviar spoon. I’ve been to one too many occasions where the caviar was being scooped with a metal spoon, as if it were a side of guacamole from Chipotle. I’m now always prepared.
STOUT: Can you send a screenshot of your most recent Google searches?
GSTAAD GUY:
STOUT: I imagine the cost of vintage champagne might increase with the tariffs, but you never look at the price too long anyway…
GSTAAD GUY: Absolutely. I also believe in consuming what’s local. I’m a man of the people. So I’d rather not import food or champagne at all. Instead, I fly to champagne and enjoy at the source.
STOUT: What are your thoughts on tap water? My boyfriend keeps ordering tap for the table and I don’t know what to do.
GSTAAD GUY: Tap water is the best water, when you’re in Gstaad. Or anywhere in Switzerland. Unfortunately, water on this side of the pond is just not the same. Your boyfriend can stick to tap, as long as he takes you to Gstaad. But if the man can’t change his ways, you must change the man.
STOUT: Where would Cousin Colton take a second date in NYC?
GSTAAD GUY: Her therapist’s office. Although they usually don’t even make it that far.
STOUT: Does he have a therapist as well? Or he just invests in a new line of crypto to feel better?
GSTAAD GUY: I’ve been asking Colton to see a therapist for a while, but he insists that therapy is on a spectrum. Post-pilates matcha dates are his therapy.
STOUT: Well, he’s not wrong. Who’s the wealthiest person in your notifs?
GSTAAD GUY: My accountant.
STOUT: Can you send a fit pic?
GSTAAD GUY: Loro Piana, head to toe. In my game room designed by Max Nobel. Very Gstaad.
STOUT: Your perpetual tan matches the fit. I guess that’s a benefit of jet setting.
GSTAAD GUY: Thank you.
STOUT: Choose one: money or clout?
GSTAAD GUY: Anything but clout. Privacy above all.
STOUT: Even the planes are private!
GSTAAD GUY: Emma, you just know 🍻
STOUT: What’s the most absurd rich person convo you’ve overheard? And was it at Art Basel?
GSTAAD GUY: I only overhear conversations I’m forced to overhear, because of loud yappers. And you’re right, the global loud yapper convention is in fact Art Basel in Miami. Basel Switzerland is far more understated. The loud Basel yappers are usually proposing fictional plans that will likely never happen like, “Should we do St. Barths or Aspen next week?” using their parents’ credit cards. The loud ones do the least, the quiet ones do the most.
STOUT: In general people should talk less. It’s much more chic.
GSTAAD GUY: The chicest.
STOUT: What’s the ideal influencer-to-billionaire ratio on a yacht party?
GSTAAD GUY: 0-to-0. I’d rather be there alone.
STOUT: Last question: what’s your password?
GSTAAD GUY: YapFree2025_<3. See you in Gstaad.
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