Man Accused of ‘Shaming’ Girlfriend After Counting Her Calories In Effort to Help Her Lose Weight

The OP (a.k.a “original poster”) shared his story to Reddit’s AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) forum, telling users that his girlfriend — who he said he finds “sexy” no matter her size — has gained weight and is looking to lose it.

But when the OP, who described himself as “lean” and “fit,” offered to help her with her diet, the pair began butting heads, with his girlfriend accusing is accusing him of “shaming her” when their ideas of what a day of healthy eating looks like failed to match up.

Read on to see what went down, and how Redditors reacted.

OP began explaining his situation by sharing his own weight loss journey and assuring Redditors that he’s supportive of his girlfriend, no matter her weight.

“My girlfriend is on the bigger side, which is something I do not mind. I am on the more fit side, I’m pretty lean, have well defined muscles and probably around 15% body fat. I used to be about 40 pounds heavier and lost the weight pretty simply,” he said before sharing his girlfriend’s woes with her own weight. “My girlfriend always complains about her weight and her body. I tell her I find her sexy for so many reasons outside her body and it didn’t matter to me whether she got bigger or smaller.”

“Eventually she decided she wanted to lose weight, I offered to help and when I pointed out things she could be doing better she gets mad at me. She isn’t losing weight currently and in fact says she is gaining a few extra pounds,” he continued.

After asking her what she eats in a day, OP said the pair instantly go into an argument, but even still, offered to help and see if he could spend a day with her to oversee the healthy food choices she claimed to be making.

“I ask her what exactly she eats in a day, she says she eats healthy so she should lose weight. I question that and we have an argument. I tell her that if she wants to show me, let me just spend a day with her and see what she eats in a day. She said only if I don’t make comments on what she’s eating as she’s eating it. I agreed,” he explained. “Now by the end of the day she had consumed, a plate of avocado toast that was about 400 calories, a coffee that was 110 calories, an 800 calorie salad from chick fil a and a fry (as a ‘reward’ for the salad) and veggie burrito that was about 500 calories. Along with snacking a bit throughout the day. Her total consumption was about 2200 calories.”

The OP pointed out that according to the weight loss goals she was trying to achieve, her current calorie count was too high, and she’d only gain weight — albeit slowly — if she continued to eat the way she’s been eating.

“At the end of the day I explained this to her. My exact words were that the amount of calories she is consuming is the amount I need to maintain my weight as a man 5 inches and 20 pounds bigger, who is constantly active. So chances are she’ll slowly gain weight eating like that and that eating healthy isn’t going to guarantee she’ll lose weight.”

But that only further sparked a fight between the pair, with the OP’s girlfriend accusing him of shaming her amid her attempts to drop a few pounds.

“She got super f–king pissed at me and told me I wasn’t helping her and was just shaming her,” he added. “I told her I want to help her but she did not listen.”

With over 5.8k up votes and more than 3.6k comments, Reddit decided that the boyfriend — while his intentions were good — went about trying to help his girlfriend the wrong way, with one Redditor suggesting he turns to outside sources to help guide her on her journey instead.

“I’ve learned from personal experience it never goes well when a loved one talks about weight/diet.. the best way is for this information to come from an outside source. (Has she tried any of those diet apps? Or could she afford a nutritionist?),” the top comment with over 12K upvotes began. “Editing to correct: dietician is better (thanks to the comments below.. my brain typed the wrong word when I posted this 😅).”

Others were curious whether she truly asked for help losing weight, or he offered his suggestions after hearing her “venting” about her situation, with some suggesting he “overstepped” with his plan.

Another suggested helping in different ways that don’t involve calorie counting, like being active together and prepping healthy meals alongside each other.

“I know you want to help but the way you went about it wasn’t what she needed,” another Redditor wrote. “Ask her how you can help her. Maybe cook together and meal prep healthy foods. Go on walks together to help burn calories. Ask if she is using any tools or would like help researching tools to help be healthier. There are apps or journals that help track and encourage people in being healthy and losing weight.”

“Let her lead in her journey and be there if she needs help and/or encourage. But don’t try to take over or tell her she is doing it wrong, that will just hurt her and make her not want to talk to you about it in the future,” they added.

What do you think?