Daughters Furious with Father After Receiving Dead Mother’s Letters

Shared to Reddit’s infamous AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) forum, the man’s story involved him following his late wife’s “very specific instructions” for letters she wrote after the girls were born … only to have it blow up in his face.

Read on to see the full story and how Redditors reacted.

OP (a.k.a. the “original poster”) began his Reddit post by first providing some important backstory.

“I (49M) was married to my wife for 20 years. I lost her in a car accident 8 years ago. We had two beautiful daughters together, Maeve (18 now, 10 when her mother passed) and Alex (16 now, 8 when her mother passed),” he shared.

“I am very close with my daughters but they were both definitely mama’s girls. My wife was a magnetic woman. She was beautiful, intelligent, kind, and people were drawn to her,” the man continued, saying that his late wife had a “passion for writing” and love of writing letters to let people know “she cared about them.”

“After she had each of my daughters, she wrote them a letter. She wrote each within days after their births and wanted to give them away on their graduation days. She put them in the fire box in our basement to avoid losing or forgetting about them,” OP continued. “She wrote the letters with the intention of giving them to our daughters herself 18 years later as a sort of time capsule type of thing. Both letters contained mostly words of wisdom and information about what was going on when they were born.”

After the eldest daughter graduated from high school this week, the father gave the teen her letter — saying he “let her cry on my shoulder as she read it and at first she seemed happy to have something directly from her mother.”

Then things took a twist.

“However after she read it she turned to me looking surprisingly angry. She asked why I had waited so long to give it to her,” he revealed. “She had so many rough moments and heartbreak in the last 8 years where all she wanted was her mother’s wisdom and I withheld the letter.”

“I told her that I was just doing what her mother had said she wanted and Maeve shot back that her mother also hadn’t planned on being in the accident. Alex heard the shouting and came into the room and Maeve told her about the letter,” he continued, saying that now both of them are “upset and don’t want to talk to me.”

The father said he’s left feeling “awful,” before explaining that he could see both sides of the situation.

“I was raised by my single mother after my own dad took off so on one hand, I’ve always wanted to be the best father I can and I feel terrible that I withheld something that would’ve brought them comfort,” he said. “On the other hand, my wife had very specific instructions about her intentions with the letters and I just wanted to follow through with that. So now I’m very conflicted and I just want to know, AITA?”

Many commenters agreed that there were “No A-holes Here,” or NAH, while taking to the comments to assure the father he didn’t do anything wrong.

“Your wife wrote those letters with a specific intent and likely in a specific voice appropriate for the young woman your elder daughter is now, not the young children they both were eight years ago. There’s nothing wrong with honoring her wishes in this matter,” read the most popular reply.

“It’s understandable that your daughters are upset because this dredged up a lot of heavy emotions unexpectedly, but there’s absolutely no reason to assume that they would have understood or appreciated these letters when they were younger. Instead of comfort, any number of other emotions could have arisen, as is evident now. There’s simply no way you could have known how they would react,” the commenter continued, telling OP he seemed like a “kind, thoughtful person trying to do his best through terrible circumstances.”

“He is a great father and his girls are very lucky to have him!” said someone else, as the replies continued to tell the dad to give himself some grace in the situation.

Many also reiterated how they were specifically meant for graduation and the advice may not have been relevant or appropriate at a younger age. At the same time, they said the feelings of the young women were also valid.

“I think both reactions are understandable and are rooted in the love you all feel for her, and your grief at losing her. I’m sure you thought it would be a touching surprise. There is no fault here,” wrote someone else.

“I have been writing in journals to my daughter since she was born, and plan on giving them to her when she turns 18. I’m sure if I passed, my husband would have also withheld them, thinking he was doing right by me the way he always has,” read another comment. “You were just trying to honor your wife. I hope they can eventually forgive you because it’s not as if you did it to intentionally hurt them.”

What do you think?