Even when you know you love someone, you might get caught up worrying about what could go wrong or eventually become a problem in the relationship. But in reality, taking the time to appreciate the positives can be just as beneficial to healthy growth. In a pair of recent videos, podcast host and licensed professional counselor (LPC) Jeff Guenther points out some of the little wins that can be easy to overlook—but are still worth cherishing and celebrating. Read on for the “underrated” green flags in your partner you’re likely ignoring.
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1 | They automatically think of you when they go shopping.
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Running errands can feel stressful even in the most simple circumstances. But if your significant other still turns it into an opportunity to make sure you have what you need, it should be a sign to you that your happiness and well-being are one of their top priorities.
“If they see Extra Cheezy Cheez-Its, they grab you a box,” Guenther cites as an example in his first video. “If they spot that black Smashing Pumpkins Zero hoodie, they snag one in your size.”
2 | They don’t insist you go to a concert, movie, or event they know you won’t enjoy.
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Even if you share a ton of interests with your partner, it’s very unlikely that you see eye-to-eye on every single cultural experience. Guenther says that’s why it’s important to appreciate someone who won’t drag you along to an outing that’s just not you’re thing.
“They’re cool with going solo—and you don’t feel guilty for skipping something you’re not into,” he says.
3 | They still say thank you for the little everyday things.
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Whether it’s small chores “like making the bed or taking out the trash” or simply helping out with preparing a meal, taking the time to appreciate a tiny gesture should be seen as a big positive.
“It’s easy to forget, but those regular things are a small reminder that you appreciate and value each other,” Guenther explains.
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4 | They give physical affection that doesn’t always need to lead to anything more.
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Intimacy is an important part of a relationship and can sometimes be a sign of its health. But that doesn’t mean you must always act on any initial advances. According to Guenther: “Sometimes cuddles are just cuddles, and makeouts are simply for making out!”
5 | They turn a once serious point of contention into an ongoing inside joke.
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Even the healthiest of couples bicker from time to time. However, the ability to turn these tiny quarrels into something you can laugh about should be taken as a seriously good sign.
“The argument over whether Google Maps or Apple Maps is better has become a playful debate you now bring up at dinner parties just to see how many people will take your side,” Guenther uses as an example.
6 | You’re comfy in the mundane parts of life together.
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It can be easy to get caught up in the whirlwind romance that usually comes hand-in-hand with a new relationship. But if you still enjoy spending time with your significant other without any occasion, even after that initial excitement wears off, you should take that as a serious green flag.
“Because anyone can feel sparky and excited on a fancy date, but being happy staying in and making a mediocre rice bowl while you cuddle up to a bizarre Apple TV show is where it’s at,” says Guenther in his second video in the set.
8 | You feel like you’ve got a built-in hype man.
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Your significant other should always feel like your rock and your safe space. However, taking the time to step up and give you your metaphorical flowers for any level of achievement should be seen as a step above.
“They’re gassing you up before that job interview, bragging about your very impressive pottery at your first pottery class, and celebrating how you didn’t completely lose your mind when you visited your horrible family,” Guenther says. “Good job, babe!”
9 | They easily adjust to your personality and needs.
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According to Guenther, this can include your partner not trying to change you if you’re an introvert.
“They know when a vent sesh is better than problem-solving and are ready to adapt when you’re feeling hormonal, making sure you’re comfy and supported,” he says.
10 | Being with your partner feels like being with yourself.
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Everyone strives for that relationship that feels completely effortless. In many ways, Guenther says this should feel like you never feel out of place when you’re with your partner.
“You’re fully comfortable, authentic, and never feel the need to put on a mask or try to impress,” he says.