Eldest daughters, please rise! New research confirms that, yes, parents do secretly have a favorite child, and spoiler alert, it’s typically their firstborn daughter. A U.K.-based study revealed that nearly 74 percent of mothers and 70 percent of fathers show favoritism towards one child. More recently, researchers at Brigham Young University (BYU) found that certain birth orders and personalities are more likely to receive preferential treatment than others. See if you’re the favorite child of your family below.
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Parents are likely to side with their firstborn child, especially daughters.
A new peer-reviewed study published in the journal Psychological Bulletin found that firstborn children, especially daughters, are most likely to get the VIP treatment from their parents—particularly when it comes to relinquishing independence and control. Likewise, kids with “agreeable” personalities are highly favored.
“Sometimes parents get so concerned about treating their kids the same that they may overlook individual needs,” lead study author and BYU School of Family Life professor Alex Jensen said in a press statement. “We’re not suggesting parents feel guilty; instead, parents can look at this research and use it as encouragement to look at places where they can improve, without going to extremes.”
Daughters and “conscientious” children received the highest remarks in favoritism from parents.
To arrive at their findings, researchers examined favored treatment patterns as predicted by birth order, gender, temperament, and personality among 19,469 participants, sourced from a variety of peer-reviewed journals and databases. At a glance, younger siblings are generally more favored by parents. However, their results showed that firstborns, daughters, and personable kids outrank their siblings by a large margin.
When it comes to granting autonomy and control, older siblings get preferential treatment. As for personality traits, “conscientious and agreeable” siblings get more favorable treatment from adults. The authors noted that “more conscientious children had relatively less conflict with their parents.”
But in the end, daughters were ranked most favorable across the board.
“Most parents probably connect more easily with one child over another, whether that be due to personality, birth order, gender or other things like shared interests,” said Jensen. “Watch for those patterns within yourself. Pay attention to how your children react to things that could be perceived as favoritism.”
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Children who don’t experience favoritism might need extra TLC.
“Less favored” siblings can experience “negative development consequences,” including poor mental health and acting out, the study says. Sibling rivalry aside, Jensen said kids that feel undesired or like they’re being treated unfairly at home could exhibit problematic behavior at school or in friend groups.
“Keep an eye out for things that seem unfair. Your children will let you know if they think something is unfair. Pay attention to them when they make that known,” he said. “Either they are missing perspective and understanding, or you need to make some changes in your parenting. Make sure you are open to the latter.”
In this situation, patience is key, and “simple answers are perhaps the best,” per Jensen. If your child isn’t on the receiving end of favoritism, “spend time together” and “do things together that you like to do.”
“Relationships take time and time together doing a variety of things will have many positive benefits,” he added.