Private investigator Mort Madison (Matt Rife) has seen better days, according to the official synopsis of The Private Eye, a “mystery romantic comedy” that I’m guessing Rife doesn’t want you to see. Despite the official trailer dropping this week, there’s no whisper of it on Rife’s social media accounts. Take a look and you can guess why.
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If you can’t get through it, here’s the gist: Mort Madison is a terrible private eye. A beautiful woman hires him. Rife takes off his shirt.
Illusion Islands
Rife changes hats.
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Rife kisses his co-star for nearly 30 seconds of a two-minute trailer. This is an uncomfortably long time to watch people mash faces.
Illusion Islands
The educated guess here is that the movie’s release is a direct result of all the heat generated by Rife’s Natural Selection special and the comic’s baffling wave of unforced social media errors. The movie’s official Instagram account was posting posters and production stills back in 2020 so this bad boy has been sitting on the shelf for a minute.
Now that Rife is a household name, even if it’s not all for the right reasons, director Jack Cook must believe the time is right to share the movie with the world. Private Eye will hit about 100 theaters in February — far less than the typical 600+ for a wide release but still. Who could resist a star who’s a combination of Brad Pitt and Adam Sandler? “You can’t get that combination every day,” says Cook. “Super fit, good looking, funny as hell. And also humble and sweet.” Heck, let’s throw in trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent while we’re at it.
I’m not sure about seeing the movie, but I won’t be able to resist the bad-ass merch.
Only 70 bucks for a tie-dyed Private Eye hoodie featuring half a pair of eyeglasses balanced on Rife’s sculpted cheekbones? Sign me up.