GLADIATOR II
(15), 148mins
★★★★☆
HOLD onto your loin cloths, the sword swinging, Colosseum commanding Gladiator is back – this time in the shape of Irish hunk, Paul Mescal.
It may have been 24 real years since Sir Ridley Scott left ancient Rome in the first spectacular Gladiator, but in the film world it’s been 16 years.
This is the story of Lucius, the son of Lucilla (Connie Nielsen) and Maximus (Russell Crowe, who only features in flashbacks of the original).
Having witnessed the death of his slave-turned-Gladiator dad, young Lucius is sent away to Africa, where, as an adult, he fights for his freedom.
During this unsuccessful attempt, his wife is killed by Marcus (Pedro Pascal) and he is dragged to Rome where he is picked to fight for the amusement of the young emperors and brothers, Caracalla and Geta under the teachings of Macrinus (Denzel Washington).
And amuse he does.
Fighting giant monkeys, rhinos and even sharks with his bare hands, this guy is a machine. And the Romans seem to have the same budget of Elon Musk to successfully fill a colosseum into a terrifying theme park full of sea water and Great Whites, merely for entertainment.
And that’s not the only thing you have to shrug off watching this big budget extravaganza.
Some of the more ‘serious’ dialogue makes you want to laugh out loud and there’s a glaring continuity issue straight after Mescal bites a CGI monster monkey that makes you concerned about who Sir Ridley is hiring.
However, Denzel Washington saves the day in every scene-stealing word he says. Like a Roman version of Othello’s Iago, he mostly seems to want to disrupt things for sh*t’s and giggles. It’s a brilliant baddie, played immaculately.
The skin-crawling sibling emperors, who could be characters straight out of The League of Gentleman, are also very watchable stand-ins for the sickening Joaquin Phoenix in the first film.
Mescal delivers much of his dialogue in a flat tone, saving his energy for the fight sequences where he’s spectacular.
There’s a few Brit stars to watch out for, with Matt Lucas being a Colosseum compere, Tim McInnerny as camp conspirator Thraex and one of our greatest living actors, Sir Derek Jacobi, playing a bloke that opens a couple of doors. But hey, if Ridley Scott calls, what you gonna do?
Yes, it’s camp and sometimes laughably ridiculous, but this adrenaline film has not gone down without a fight.
It’s a thumb up from me.
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