We had a good run! We invented a lot of cool stuff like lasagna and that thing where there’s a bouncy ball attached to a paddle by string. We figured out how to navigate both air, sea, and to some extent, space. Maybe it’s just about time that all the lights turn down on us. I’m just saying, things were messed up enough with ONE global virus pandemic, and now we’re possibly on the verge of three at the same time? How many plastic bubbles are they going to need to put around the outdoor brunch tables now?
I think I’m clocking out. I’m hopping the next flight to Shandong province and I’m gonna french kiss every animal corpse I see like it’s a creepy taxidermist’s prom night, then just pop myself into one of those comfy adjustable hospital beds and practice my death rattle. If I’ve got to go out, I’ll do it eating cafeteria jello before this whole thing goes Mad Max. Best of luck to the rest of you fighting the next virus that comes from grasshoppers and makes you throw up your eyeballs or whatever.