Chelsea Handler says she’s been on an “emotional rollercoaster” since ending her relationship with fellow comedian Jo Koy after less than a year.
Handler candidly spoke about when and why things started not working between the two, and how that led to their split, which she says happened about a month ago.
“My love was so big that it just blew me open,” Handler said, sounding like she was on the verge of tears, during an appearance on the podcast “We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle” on Thursday.
The former late night host made it sound like she was the one who ended things with Koy after experiencing issues for “some time.”
“We’ve been dealing with this behind the scenes for a while,” Handler said, adding that the two were previously trying to work things out in therapy.
“I think that when you have the grounding and the courage to say that, you know, something isn’t working, you’re saying a lot more than that to the whole world,” she said, still clearly emotional. “And you’re inviting in things that are going to be workable, and more suited to your needs and what you’re available for.”
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Doyle asked Handler when it was the time to “stop digging” in a relationship, and she provided a very honest answer.
“I think when it becomes untenable. And it becomes unhealthy,” Handler said. “If you’re arguing, you know, it’s devolving. If you can’t have conversations that are calm and loving, and constant, and you’re not a team ― not feeling like a team ― then it becomes untenable.”
“I wasn’t going to abandon myself,” the comedian added. “And if I have to choose one person, I have to choose myself.”
“It’s nice to bend for people, it’s nice to learn how to compromise. It’s nice to learn how to demonstrate my love publicly. That’s something I was never able to do for anybody, but I believe Jo needed that,” Handler explained. “I was so inspired by us … but Jo didn’t crack me open. My psychiatrist cracked me open, and then I was open.”
“And then I was able to bend for somebody and move and compromise, and make them the biggest part of my life, but you can’t change somebody intrinsically,” she said. “And, I was willing to do so much bending, but there’s a line. And I’m very proud of myself that I didn’t let myself cross that line.”
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Handler said that she’s doing “okay” and feels “optimistic about the future now.”
“I still believe that my person is coming. Whether that is Jo Koy at a certain time or if it’s not, like, I accept that,” Handler said.
Handler and Koy publicly announced that they were ending their relationship on Tuesday, and also posted a video they’d made in anticipation of their upcoming one-year anniversary.
“It is with a heavy heart to announce that we have decided together that it is best for us to take a break from our relationship right now,” Handler said at the time, calling her ex “one of the greatest gifts of my life.”
Koy, in a breakup post of his own, said he was Handler’s “biggest fan” and promised the two “will always remain great friends and will always have love for one another.”