There’s no late-night activity that Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer liked better than catching a movie at their local theater. While they occasionally stood in line for actual classics like Weekend at Bernie’s II, they also frequented several flicks that only exist in the Seinfeld universe.
Here are seven movies we’d love to see, even though chances are good they’re already sold out…
Means to An End
Don’t Miss
This is the movie Elaine and her date Todd Gack are dying to see. When it’s sold out, they’re forced to settle for Blame It on the Rain, presumably the story of Milli Vanilli. Fortunately for Jerry, his girlfriend Nicki uses her good looks to score tickets even after Elaine is turned away.
Sack Lunch
Castle Rock
Once again, Elaine is thwarted by a sold-out showing. Instead of laughing through light comedy Sack Lunch, she’s forced to endure The English Patient. Despite several attempts, she never gets to see the movie, meaning she never gets an answer to her question about its poster: “So do you think they got shrunk down, or is it just a giant sack?”
CheckMate
The gang tries to meet up to watch this movie about chess and intrigue, but a series of mishaps means they end up seeing another movie instead. (See #1, below.)
As with many fake movies in Seinfeld episodes, Larry David’s voice can be heard in the movie’s trailer as a character who assures the king that “of course … it’s only a game.”
Chunnel
When Elaine and Jerry can’t stop chatting during Chunnel, they get shushed by George’s fiancee Susan, squashing their newfound friendship.
Susan must have been engrossed in the plot about the president’s daughter, trapped in the tunnel between France and England after an explosion. Once again, David’s voice can be heard: “Everybody out of the Chunnel! Everybody out!”
Blimp: The Hindenburg Story
George achieves comic notoriety in his local movie theater by shouting, “That’s gotta hurt!” just as the famous dirigible bursts into flames. Big laughs!
He wants to chase that high, but when he goes back for a repeat Blimp performance, he’s upstaged by another moviegoer hilariously highlighting characters’ boobs with a laser pointer. “Damn you, Laser Guy! You had to grab it all with your lowbrow laser shtick! You’re just a prop comic! Where’s the craft?”
Prognosis Negative
Prognosis Negative was almost an actual movie. David wrote a screenplay of the same name in the 1980s, a comedy about a guy who mistakenly believes he’s received an ominous medical diagnosis. In fact, David met the director of the faux-documentary that became Curb Your Enthusiasm through his spec screenplay for Prognosis Negative.
The fake version is mentioned in multiple episodes of Seinfeld. The movie is terrible, and Jerry is forced to see it twice.
Rochelle, Rochelle
No movie is mentioned more in Seinfeld than Rochelle, Rochelle, “a young girl’s strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk.” While we never get to see a clip from the film, here’s what we know about it:
- Susan says it has “a lot of nudity.”
- George admits that’s one reason he rents it on video, clarifying that it’s not so much frontal nudity as “sidal” nudity.
- David once again can be heard off-screen as a man convincing Rochelle to disrobe.
- Rochelle, Rochelle got shouted out again on an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
- In an American Express print ad, real-life David named the film as his favorite in-flight movie
eBay
The version we really wanted to see? Season Six’s Broadway extravaganza starring Bette Midler: Rochelle, Rochelle: The Musical.