In 2019, Legendary did what they had to do to secure the rights to develop “The Machine,” Bert Kreischer’s 2016 stand-up routine where he detailed the time he robbed a train in Russia with the Russian Mafia. The video has since garnered 52 million views, causing any reasonable person to expect a blockbuster that expands on such a wild narrative.
The eponymous film starring Kreischer, Jimmy Tatro, Jess Gabor and Mark Hamill was finally released over the holiday weekend. And according to critics, Kreischer and everyone involved did not do what they had to do when it came to making a good movie. Critics and moviegoers alike are panning the film, which currently sits at 22 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. One review simply remarked that “the comic’s preexisting fans should find plenty to love,” which is never a good sign for everyone else.
While some of Hollywood’s critics chose words that cushioned the blow of their low scores, the community on Letterboxd was less charitable, and pulled no punches when it came to ripping apart Kreischer’s film, which holds an average of 2.9 stars out of 5 on the website.
Here then are some of the most brutal reviews of The Machine. They’re likely funnier than the film itself…
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