With Jupiter Passing So Close To Earth, It’s Time To Attack

With Jupiter Passing So Close To Earth, It's Time To Attack

Now, I’ve experienced some pushback on this idea, mostly from people who have tried to explain to me that there is more than one type of gas. This is classic academic horse dookie, and makes no sense. There’s only one gas I know, and THAT gas is actually a liquid, so these dumb-dumbs don’t know what they’re talking about anyways. Pretty quickly, any debate I try to have with these “top scientists” results in them becoming angry at me, which means I win the argument by default. They probably don’t want us to blow up Jupiter because they’re still butthurt about Pluto, which a couple of years ago was downgraded from a planet to a small type of reef or something.

With all the money I pay in taxes to support scientific research and military technology, I think the bare minimum I can ask for is that we both have a bomb capable of blowing Jupiter to smithereens and some sort of 367 million mile long space tube that can suck up all the gas that leaks out and bring it back down here to earth so I can put it in my dirtbike.

As Matt Damon once said in a cryptocurrency (the best kind of currency because it’s really valuable) commercial, fortune favors the brave. If we’re brave enough to blow up Jupiter, it’ll be US receiving that fortune.

Top Image: Public Domain/Pixabay

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