Whether through social studies class or scary movies, most people know what a mummy is — an important, old, dried-up dude (or occasionally lady) wrapped in cloth and buried in a fun-shaped coffin that looks like an escape pod from the world of the living.
But the mummies we’re exposed to aren’t necessarily the ones the ancient Egyptians would have liked us to care about. Case in point: Tutankhamen. Despite gracing the cover of every geography textbook ever, King Tut’s rule was fairly short. He replaced his dad, tried to undo some damage and then died unexpectedly. Yet most people would probably assume he was one of Egypt’s greatest rulers. It’s like if archaeologists of the future found William Henry Harrison’s body first, and then everyone forever assumed he was America’s Greatest President.
Ahmose I
To be remembered as one of a civilization’s great rulers when you walked into the political equivalent of a house fire is very impressive. Around 1550 B.C. Ahmose inherited Egypt in a serious pickle: It was threatened on both sides (generally tactically unfavorable) by the Hyksos and the Nubians, and he had a real chance of being the last pharaoh. Instead, he united Egypt and set it toward a prosperous time — something that should help him rest easy in his gross, smelly bandages.
Thutmose III
Thutmose III is sometimes called “The Napoleon of Ancient Egypt,” which is funny, given the time frames at play. Not to mention, Thutmose III, as far as I can tell, never experienced crushing defeat or was exiled, making Napoleon much more of a “failed French Thutmose III.” Either way, Thutmose was known as possibly the greatest military mind of any Egyptian pharaoh, and conquered much of Egypt’s neighboring land. Conquest that also served to fill Egypt’s coffers, leaving it a very rich country after he was long embalmed.
Amenhotep III
Amenhotep III was also responsible for great enrichment in Egypt, but this time through art instead of war. Almost his entire reign, from 1390 B.C. to 1353 B.C., was a period of peace in Egypt. Meanwhile, certain architectural wonders, like the Colossi of Memnon and the temple at Luxor, were built under the rule of Amenhotep III. I’m sure if his beef-jerky body could speak, it would ask if everybody still thought they were cool, and we could reassure him: yes, absolutely.
Seti I
Getting the best tomb in the Valley of the Kings? That’s a pretty good sign that your people were a fan of your work. Seti I, sandwiched between Ramses I and II, did a lot of the dirty work for which the collective Ramses get credit. He’s apparently a sort of underground favorite pharaoh among scholars, who consider him the greatest king of the 19th dynasty. Underground both figuratively and literally, as an embalmed corpse.
Ramses II
That said, it’s hard to argue against anyone whose nickname was “The Great,” as Ramses II was known — a nickname he fully agreed with. After all, he wasn’t known for his humility, something the incredible amount of statues of himself he had erected are a testament to. He did, though, have some room to brag: He had the second longest reign of any pharaoh, was a solid military mind and was responsible for a ton of architecture built across Egypt.
Now, schoolkids look at him and go, “Ew.”