Man Calls Son’s Birth Mother ‘Seat Filler’ in His Life for Offering Advice: ‘Don’t Forget Your Place’

Both of those scenarios seem to be in play in the case of a man who turned to the popular forum after he told off his son’s birth mother for offering him advice. While he certainly seemed incredibly confident in how he handled the situation, he nevertheless asked…

“AITA for telling my son’s birth mother that she’s more like a sister?” Oh, but he said so much more than just that!

Read on for his whole story, and how Redditors reacted.

“I adopted my son when he was born. It was an open adoption but the birth mom (Beth) was so greatly ashamed of being a teen mom that she didn’t follow up on any contact,” OP (a.k.a. “the original poster”) began his story. “Which was fine because I had no intention of involving her too much.”

OP went on to explain that his son Ethan grew up mostly around boys, so “we always try to have him spend time with girls.” When he was 9, Beth reached out. “I think she spent the last nine years being an overachiever so she’d feel worthy of having a relationship with Ethan,” wrote OP. “Ivy league, married a hedge fund dude, yoga, etc.”

“Ethan is incredibly self aware and intellectual. You cannot bulls–t him so he and I enjoy a very open relationship,” OP added. “I told him his mom reached out to me and asked about him. I emphasized that she didn’t forget him but she had to go away to work on herself. I asked how’d he feel about talking with her and he said he was open to it.”

All of that sounded positive, as did the continuation that “they have a good relationship and spend time together. He’s met her husband. It’s been a good thing to know his bio family.”

But here’s where things took a turn OP did not like — and his whole tone changed.

With his son entering 6th grade, he has to pick an elective. “There has been arguments about what that class will be,” OP revealed. “Anyways, he told Beth about it and she f–ked up by getting involved with the matter. She said what’s the big deal about his doing yearbook. He should do what he wants to do. It’s his class.”

It was here that OP was clearly drawing a line in the relationship between Ethan and Beth. “I was like you got me f–ked up. I said girl you are not his mom,” he wrote. “You’re more like a sibling and siblings don’t get a say in parenting decisions. You take a backseat. You’re a seat filler in the life of Ethan. Just don’t forget your place.”

He said that Beth’s response was to not respond at all, instead going “radio silent.” And so, per OP, “I was the bigger person and reached out. I said I’ve been raising that kid for 11 years so it was triggering for you to give your two parenting cents. You need to understand that. He understands that so you should too.”

He concluded his statement, “I guess she’s waiting for ME to apologize for something she did. I will not. Once you do that then everything goes bad.”

While he didn’t directly ask an AITA question in the body of his piece, the headline lays it out: “AITA for telling my son’s birth mom that she’s more like a sister?”

“You sound extremely controlling,” wrote the most popular commenter, with more than 12K upvotes. They went on to ask, “Why can’t he do yearbook if that’s what he wants to do? Why should you get to choose his elective class, she’s correct, it’s HIS class.”

“I don’t know any parent who is letting their 6th grader pick their elective without veto power,” OP shot back, noting in another comment that he wants his son to do “leadership” instead.

“Why not call it what it is, stop saying veto power and say ‘I’m not letting my kid pick their interests without MY input, screw whatever my kid wants to explore, ILL MOLD HIM INTO WHAT I WANT,'” replied one Redditor, not holding back.

“Your kid vented to someone that actually gave them some input and you didn’t like that another adult figure dared to challenge your executive decision for this child that they didn’t want but you FORCED upon them. Don’t be pissed later in life when your kid does this back at you or if it bites you in the a–.”

Another commenter was surprised by OP saying they don’t know any parents who let their kids pick their own electives “without veto power.” They wrote, “You… don’t? How many parents do you actively speak with about middle school electives? … I didn’t even involve [my parents] in my elective decision because they literally could not have cared less.”

Another confirmed they were also allowed to choose their own electives, writing, “Mine did. The f–k you think the word ‘elective’ even means? It’s supposed to be about exploring their interests.”

OP tried to argue, “He has choices over some things he does but I have veto,” but it was quickly explained to him, “So…he doesn’t have choices then, right? If he has a choice as long as it aligns with what you want then it’s not a choice. You already made it”

OP was on an offensive defense throughout the comments, like when he was called out for how he responded to his son’s birth mother. “She was asking an honest question and you approached her aggressively and undermined her while you were at it. sounds like there may be some underlying control issues and maybe some insecurities about her involvement in his life….” wrote one.

“It’s not her business,” OP replied shortly. To another commenter who said, “Well, your son did involve her by telling her about it and she offered some advice,” OP came back with, “She wasn’t asked for advice by anyone.”

The immediate response was, “Is…is your son not a person?” Another expanded on that, adding, “Your son initiated a discussion with her about electives. It was in your post. Your drama nonsense may work with other people but not with me.”

Redditors did not mince words, either, about OP not mincing his words when talking about his son’s biological mother, who he even said has been a positive inclusion in his life. About the “seat filler” comment, one Redditor wrote, “What a s–tty thing to say,” while another agreed, “my jaw dropped, so nasty.”

“It’s an ‘open adoption’ but you call her a ‘seat filler,'” marveled another, while one commenter said bluntly, “Telling someone that they are a ‘seat filler’ in somebody’s life and ‘just don’t forget your place’ is f–king heinous, no matter who they are. Jesus Christ dude,” commented one Redditor, who shared they were adopted themselves.

Another called OP out for saying they were the “bigger person,” asking, “By reaching out to double down on your a–holery? They went on to say that Beth’s question about Ethan being able to choose his own elective was “genuine. And you responded with lashing out wildly. You have a serious temper on top of being controlling.”

“You are not being the bigger person right now, but you’re going to need to be,” commented on person. “This is what you signed up for, so suck it up, and make it work. And yes, you absolutely do need to apologize to Beth for saying those s–tty things to her.”

One Redditor speculated, “Fast forward 15 years to the AITA post where he’s asking the internet why his son won’t speak to him anymore….”

This one was a veritable bloodbath — or dare we say s–tstorm — with Reddit giving it a rare “POO (Proctologists Only Orifice) Mode Activated” tag, limiting comments.

What do you think?