The girl’s family insisted it was just a joke … but what followed led to a startling, and painful, truth.
A 21-year-old has taken to the internet for advice after her Christmas was ruined.
Posting to an anonymous forum, the young woman detailed her experience over the holidays and subsequently received an outpouring of advice from thousands of Redditors who flocked to the highly popular post.
While impossible to verify, the story inspired many an armchair philosopher to weigh in on the situation — which apparently led the original poster (OP) to some rather disturbing revelations about her family.
Read on to see how the whole thing played out.
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AITA for “ruining Christmas” and being upset the only gifts I got from my family were “joke gifts”
“Some background, my family likes to play pranks with Christmas and birthday gifts it’s nothing new,” OP wrote to kick things off. “I (f21) as well as my 5 siblings (from 29 to 37 years old) have all been pranked on our birthdays and on Christmas and usually it’s one or two gifts.”
“This Christmas though, I was the only person to get all joke gifts,” she went on to explain. “For example, I unwrapped a MacBook from my brother, but when I opened it, it was just some chocolate (which I don’t eat so I gave it away) and the MacBook was actually given to my sister inside a bag she wanted. Another ‘gift’ was what I thought was a book I put on my Christmas list was actually just the book cover put on a dictionary. When I asked my mom about the book she told me she gave it to my Sil [sister-in-law].”
“This went on with each present my siblings or parents had given me. AirPods was just a charger block? Adapter? gift cards were used and had $0 balance, a card with Monopoly money, and so on totaling to about 12 joke gifts,” OP continued. “I realized I went out of my way to get everyone something they wanted or they’d like [but I] didn’t get anything. At this point I was bummed so I went to the living room to watch TV with my boyfriend.”
This went on with each present my siblings or parents had given me. AirPods was just a charger block? Adapter? Gift cards were used and had $0 balance, a card with Monopoly money, and so on totaling to about 12 joke gifts.
“At dinner they were all talking about how much they loved their gifts and when my dad asked why I hadn’t said anything about mine, I said there wasn’t much to say,” the young woman wrote, and went on to share, “Everyone but my boyfriend laughed and my mom said it was no big deal as everyone else also got some joke gifts. I told her every gift I got was a joke gift and that the ones they got [were then] followed by the real one. My dad told me I needed to relax as I’m making a big deal about it and I’d have next Christmas to get the stuff on my list.”
“Not wanting to go back and forth I told my boyfriend I wanted to leave and we can spend the rest of Christmas break with his family then go home,” she went on to write. “My family got mad and told me not to go and to just stay because it wasn’t serious. I left and put my phone on do not disturb during the drive and by the time we got to BF’s parent’s house, I had several missed calls and texts from them calling me names like ungrateful, sensitive, and childish.”
“They said I ruined Christmas and made my parents upset cause I left. The next day, I exchanged and opened gifts with my boyfriend and his family and one of the gifts I had gotten was the book I wanted (the book my mom pretended to gift me),” she revealed. “I posted it on my Instagram Story and not even 0 minutes after posting it, my sister sent a screenshot of my Story to the family group chat and they basically got mad at me for leaving and telling me I ruined Christmas over some presents.”
“They told me I owe everyone, especially my parents, an apology because my mom spent New Year’s sad because of my actions. Now I just want an outside party to tell me if I’m TA here? Am I in the wrong for being upset about the gifts and for leaving? After reading their messages and sitting on this for a few days I’m now feeling like maybe I was upset over nothing and need to apologize to them,” she concluded.
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Then came some updates.
“Gonna edit as there may have been some misunderstanding,” OP wrote. “My Christmas list didn’t include expensive gifts nor was I upset I didn’t receive expensive gifts. I was merely upset because of being pranked with everything I got and being the only person who didn’t get a real present that is all. Another thing I’ll address is I [didn’t] do anything to my family which would warrant them doing this. The last ‘big argument’ I had was with my sister which was over a year and a half ago. Thank you for the replies and I will try my best to reply to comments while I’m at work.”
“Editing once more to add I participated in joke gifts when I was a kid,” she said in another update, “[I] haven’t participated in the last 10+ years because I didn’t enjoy it or find if funny (which they do know). I will reply with more info if needed when I’m on break or have time to reply.”
She also added, after receiving an overwhelming response: “I am familiar with the term scapegoat but truthfully don’t fully understand so I will research that as well.”
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‘Your Family Sucks’ & Other Sage Advice from Reddit
Due to the post’s popularity, and apparent veracity, it was swiftly put into contest mode — with Redditors unanimously voting OP NTA (not the a–hole).
However, the thousands of comments dug much deeper than simply voting, with an outpouring of heartfelt advice being offered to the young woman as she came to her own revelations about her family.
One Redditor noted how even when their children are being “d-cks” she still buys them all presents on Christmas within the exact same budget, and observed of the young woman’s situation: “Your family have been AHs and they’re gaslighting the crap outta you.”
Then came the most telling response from OP, who wrote in reply: “I’ve learned over the last few years is no reaction is the best reaction because if I got angry, cried, or spoke up about how I felt, I would be labeled as I was when I left. I’ve almost mastered masking my feelings until I’m alone or away from them to avoid worsening the situation.”
They’re gaslighting the crap outta you.
This told the Reddit community everything they needed to know, with one reader commenting: “I think it tells something about your family that you have NEEDED to learn to mask your feelings around them. Sorry to tell you this but they are bullies and they have long ago made you their target. This is not going to change or get better, you need to start putting distance from them.”
While another delivered some succinct terminology to frame the dynamic in her family: “I think you’re the family scapegoat. Don’t stick around for it. As soon as it starts up, leave. I think you’ll eventually end up leaving permanently. Because they will never admit what they are really doing. Which is abuse.”
OP acknowledged in the comments that she had heard the phrase “scapegoat” before but would research it more.
When another armchair psychologist advised “This looks like DARVO – Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It’s a classic manipulation and emotional abuse tactic,” the young woman replied in the thread, “I will be honest I never looked at it as abuse just pranks that tend to get annoying. But my family isn’t big on apologies and I don’t think I’ve ever been told sorry by any of them. I don’t care for an apology either I just want them to see where I’m coming from.”
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“Your present this year was finding out your parents /family are trash, abusive and will never change,” one sympathetic Redditor added. “My family use to make me cry and say stuff like. What’s wrong with you? Can’t you take a joke. You’re too sensitive and would use me to make others laugh. It hurts and doesn’t go away. Don’t give them anymore chances to do it again. They are too old for this shit.”
OP seemed to get some perspective after hearing someone else’s experience: “That sounds a lot like my family which is why I now try not to show any emotion or reaction to what they do.”
“NTA. You were the butt of the jokes by your entire family and got 0 real gifts. How could you possibly feel okay with that?” another commenter expressed. “Then they expect you to apologize for their collective insensitivity? Stay away from these people.”
That seemed to do it for OP, as she wrote in reply: “Yeah I think I’m gonna take some time away from them and distance myself. Normally I’m okay with what they do but this time it really got to me.”
What do you think?
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