Man Whose Wife ‘Walked Out’ on Him Asks If He ‘Crossed a Line’ with This Request

The story, posted to the anonymous AITA (Am I The A–hole) forum on Reddit, was met with support from the online community — many of whom felt the wife of the OP (a.k.a. the “original poster”) was the one being “manipulative” in the situation.

Read on to see how the whole thing played out.

“I (M31) have been with my wife (F31) for 4 years, and 1 year ago after we got married we decided to combine our bank accounts because in her words ‘that’s what couples do’. This was a mistake,” OP began, setting up the story.

“My wife tends to spend a bit more money than me, though we have the similar incomes. Not enough to put us or herself in massive financial danger, but if its there she will spend it on random impulse purchases that will be used for a month then never touched again,” he continued.

OP said it feels, to him, like she’s always “spending the money I earn,” leaving it so he isn’t able to “enjoy it because it just trickle away before there is enough to make a big purchase.” Though he’s brought it up to his wife in the past and she “tries” to have better control over her spending, it’s not long before things return “to how it was.”

“So I sat her down last night and suggested we return to separate accounts,” he said, before detailing his wife’s very negative reaction to the idea. “She got really upset and started crying. She started asking if I even loved her, asking if this was preparation for me wanting a divorce, accused me of cheating and wanting to hide things etc.”

It only went downhill from there, as OP said his wife then “walked right out” and “won’t answer any of [my] texts” since. “Her sister did text me a single message to say she is safe and at her place, but won’t reply to anything else,” he added, before asking, “Did I cross a line? Am I the a-hole?”

The post earned an official “Not the A-hole” label, with many not only saying the man’s wife was in the wrong, but that she was “manipulative” to boot.

“You did not cross a line but your wife sure did. She’s either ridiculously insecure, or she’s trying to guilt you. Either way, don’t ask, just open a separate account and put your money there. She’s being horribly irresponsible. Actions have consequences,” read the most popular comment, which accused the wife of “some world-class manipulation.”

“Her highly manipulative and blaming reaction should tell you everything you need to know about her as a partner. Or rather, reaffirm what you already subconsciously know from her self-serving actions, dismissal of your concerns under the guise of ‘forgetting’, and weaponised incompetence with money across your entire marriage,” read one comment.

“You should have laughed at her because she’s silly and embarrassing. Crying and running out because she can’t spend all the money is pathetic, childish & manipulative. NTA,” wrote someone else.

Added another, “Your suggestion was reasonable. Her response was extremely excessive, just like her spending :)”

Many other comments offered up financial advice.

“Even if you separate accounts, that will remain an issue the rest of your lives. You should consider doing some proper budgeting together with her. Check out an app like YNAB which you can use together to track all your spending,” suggested one.

“Instead of entirely separate, I’d suggest what my husband and I do. We both have our own accounts where our pay goes,” wrote someone else. “The joint account is for all the bills, mortgage, food and date nights. He puts in 70% of bills food and fun I put in 30% and we each pay 50% of the mortgage. This way if we split we each get the same from the house but the bills are proportionate to income.”

Others also suggested setting budgets or meeting with financial planners.

What do you think?