John Mayer offered a glimpse into his love life on a recent episode of the “Call Her Daddy” podcast. On Dec. 20, the “Gravity” singer sat down with host Alex Cooper to unpack his romantic past, present, and future, as well as the impact of his anxiety and sobriety.
“I don’t think I’m truly connected with someone until I freak out a little bit and they go, ‘It’s OK.'”
Despite the public’s fascination with his dating history and his reputation as a womanizer, Mayer, who’s currently single, revealed he’s always been looking for a committed, long-term partnership. “Every relationship that I’ve ever been in has been devoted to the idea that this could go the distance,” he said. “This is the part that shocks people: of course I want to get married.” Though his past relationships didn’t reach that level, the musician said he’s gained insight into himself and his future life partner in the process.
Mayer also opened up about how his sobriety has impacted dating, making him more vulnerable and “glaringly honest.” “I quit drinking like six years ago, so I don’t have the liquid courage,” he said. “I just have dry courage. You have to express yourself.” He continued, “You have to express your anxieties. You can’t just walk over them by drinking. You have to be like, ‘This is what I’m anxious about,’ and when someone in life accommodates your anxiety, that’s bonding. I don’t think I’m truly connected with someone until I freak out a little bit and they go, ‘It’s OK.'”
Mayer expanded on his anxiety affecting his romantic experiences over the years. “[Have] you ever had a panic attack on a date? That’s how you bond with someone,” he said to Cooper with a laugh. “For a really long time, I would resist going out with anybody because it would make me so nervous,” he explained, reflecting on the fact that much of his early music was about struggling with anxiety and hoping to find love in spite of it.
Despite having a better handle on anxiety now, which he attributes to more accessible and transparent information about the complex feelings in this day and age, Mayer said he has a long way to go to be the best version of himself in a relationship. “I haven’t really got to the part of a relationship that was the ‘smooth sailing’ part,” he said. “I have a feeling when I do, I’m gonna have a lot to work on — but I’ll be excited to work on it.
As for finding the right partner, Mayer is doing so on his own terms. “You’re not going to see me go on a battery of dates with different people,” he explained. “I am a pocket listing.” He added that he doesn’t really date anymore, explaining that dating is “no longer a codified activity” for him.