The act of ghosting has become a ridiculously common way to end a relationship. Though it may be necessary to ghost someone in some cases, more often than not, ghosting is one of the most unfair ways to initiate a breakup — and that goes for ending less serious, more casual situationships, too.
Many people who have been on the receiving end of ghosting — it’s me, hi! — consider it to be the ultimate form of rejection. What begins with “good morning” texts, long conversations, and building a connection turns into radio silence. This method leaves people questioning what went wrong and what they did to cause it, and it also makes it easy for them to doubt their self-worth.
Though ghosting may be the easiest or most nonconfrontational way to end things with someone, we can do better. With help from experts, we crafted easy texts you can send the next time you want to cut things off with someone instead of ghosting them. Sending these texts will give you the opportunity to end things in a respectful and mature way, and it’ll save you from bad karma.
Before we jump in, let’s address the basics of ghosting — from why ghosting is harmful to what to do instead of ghosting.
What Is Ghosting?
If you’re not already well-acquainted with the definition of ghosting — whether because you’ve never been on the receiving end of it or you’ve never ghosted someone yourself — consider yourself in the minority. Simply put, “Ghosting is the process of discontinuing communication with someone typically without warning or context provided about why the communication shift is happening,” says relationship therapist Natasha Camille, LCSW. And sadly enough, it doesn’t matter how serious or casual the relationship is, ghosting doesn’t discriminate.
Though it commonly happens in romantic relationships, it can also happen with friendships or even when applying for new jobs.
Why Is Ghosting Harmful?
Ghosting is one of the most disrespectful things you could do to someone you were interested in. It’s hurtful because “it can make people feel rejected or unworthy,” relationship expert Nicole Moore says. “When a ghoster cuts off communication or contact without warning, it can trigger inner abandonment wounds for the person being ghosted. Ghosting is also particularly infuriating because the person who is ghosted is left to wonder why their love interest cut off contact without ever having real closure.”
Moore adds that those who are ghosted could potentially spiral into obsessive thoughts “trying to figure out what they could have done or said wrong in order to make someone pull away so suddenly. They tend to blame themselves and assume that the reason they got ghosted is because they just weren’t good enough.” When really, a simple text explaining what happened or why someone is no longer interested could help settle the brain and help someone heal.
That’s not all, though. “Ghosting also makes people feel unimportant because they assume that if they mattered at all to the person who ghosted them, then the ghoster would have communicated,” Moore says. Ignoring someone is one of the most painful ways to make them feel like they mean nothing to you. For that reason, ghosting should hardly ever be the answer.
What to Do Instead of Ghosting Someone You Want to Break Up With
If you’re ready to cut ties with a certain romantic interest in your life — whether that be a significant other or situationship — you should start by “stepping into vulnerability and sharing how you’ve come to that conclusion,” Camille says. Communication is key here. Though this may sound scary or intimidating, trust that it’s a much better approach than choosing to say nothing at all. As Moore says, “we all deserve respect, and ghosting is often a blatant form of disrespect.”
“We all deserve respect, and ghosting is often a blatant form of disrespect.”
To avoid this disrespect, you can steer the conversation in a way in which you first “acknowledge whatever positive you can in your partner, and then let them know why the relationship is not a match for the vision you have for the future or what you want in a relationship,” Moore says.
Of course, if your partner disrespected you or ignored boundaries, and that’s the reason you are initiating the breakup, this would also be the time to tell them that, Moore says. (Though if you feel concerned for your safety or security, this would be an example of when ghosting may actually be warranted.) If you’re just generally not feeling things, “stick to your own internal reasons for wanting to end the partnership rather than making it all about the other person,” Moore says.
It’s up to you to decide if this conversation should happen in person, on the phone, or via text message. But remember to offer this person you’re ending things with the same amount of respect you’d want in return if roles were reversed.
7 Breakup-Text Examples to Send Instead of Ghosting
Per our experts, here are some example texts you can send someone in specific situations that may apply for you. Feel free to copy and paste or tailor them to whatever best fits your needs, style, and relationship.
Text to Send Someone Following an Uneventful First or Second Date
“Hi [Insert Name], I’ve given it some thought and checked within, and although you’re great, I don’t feel we’re a romantic match, so I’d like to end our conversation here. Wishing you all the best moving forward.”
Text to Send Someone If You Realize You’re Not Ready to Date Again
“I have to be honest and let you know that some internal triggers have come up as a result of engaging with you. These have nothing to do with you and everything to do with me, but I’ve decided it’s best for me to sort out those triggers and not pursue dating you further. Thanks so much for your understanding, and I wish you the best.”
Text to Send Someone Who You Don’t See a Future With
“You’re really great, and out of respect for you and the time we’ve had together, I wanted to communicate this rather than just ghost. I’ve enjoyed my time with you, but I did some soul-searching and I don’t feel that we’re a match for the long-term. I think it’s best to end our romantic interaction now, but I’m wishing you the best moving forward.”
Text to Send Someone If You Don’t Want Anything Serious
“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, and out of respect for you, I wanted to communicate this rather than ghost. I could be wrong, but I get the sense that you’re looking for a more long-term connection, and that’s just not where I’m at right now. I’m not looking to get into a serious dating situation right now, and that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I think it’s best to end our romantic interaction now since we’re not looking for the same things at the moment. Wishing you the best moving forward.”
Text to Send Someone Who You’ve Been Casually Seeing
“Hey [Insert Name]. I realized that I’m not really feeling up to getting to know a new person right now. It has been nice talking to you, but I need to take a step back. I appreciate you understanding and wish you the best in the future.”
Text to Send Someone Who You’re Incompatible With
“I’m noticing some of our values [or goals or opinions or ideas] don’t align, and rather than wasting both of our time, I think it’s best we end things here. I appreciate you being open and communicative this far, and I hope you find what you’re looking for in the future.”
Text to Send Someone You’ve Been in a Relationship With
“Can we check in? I’ve been thinking about our relationship and realized it’s no longer working for me.”