A Goofy Movie came to theaters on April 7, 1995, and we’re celebrating the beloved animated film’s 30th anniversary by highlighting our favorite moments characters, scenes, and more.
A Goofy Movie takes place in a world where zombies jump out of caskets and dance atop hearses speeding down the highway. It’s set in a world where Bigfoot shows up and no one is that surprised. Goofy and Max’s cross country trip included eating at the same diner as Elvis and ended with them performing live on stage with music’s hottest act. And yet, the least believable thing about A Goofy Movie, even less believable than Max surviving his dad’s driving, is the Neptune Inn. There’s simply no way a small roadside motel would have that level of theming and detail.
And I would very much like someone to build a real version of it.
The Neptune Inn is located along a lightly traveled highway somewhere in America’s Southwest. It would be too ornate for an official Walt Disney World hotel, let alone some random motel in the middle of nowhere. While the outside is a combination of familiar (it looks like a million other motels) and genuinely beautiful (look at that gorgeous glass lobby), the real magic is found in the rooms. Goofy and Max checked into what can reasonably be described, without any hyperbole, as the greatest motel room ever designed.
Room #3 featured all the amenities you’d want from any hotel. It had a TV, phone, alarm clock, air conditioner, and desk. What made it unlike any other hotel was how it fully embraced its name. The room had furniture made with coral, fishing nets full of seashells hung from the ceiling, barnacle and fish decor, a trout lamp, a mermaid light switch, giant shell bed headboards, and an underwater color scheme. And, of course, it had water beds with real fish swimming inside them.
Goofy actually undersold it when he called the Neptune Inn a “classy choice.” It’s an establishment befitting the God of Water and Sea himself. Especially since the hotel also features a wonderful, quiet, fenced-off hot tub. Gawrsh that sounds like the perfect way to end a long exhausting day of travel…
All of which is why I need someone, anyone, to build a replica. The Neptune Inn is alluring because it’s both genuinely cool and fun while also being absolutely absurd.
Is this a feasible request? Obviously not. The overhead alone on just a single room would mean nobody is seeing a profit at this hotel for awhile. Plus you’d have to come up with a safe way to create those aquarium waterbeds the true lynchpin of the Neptune Inn experience. People have made translucent “beds” that housed real fish, but Max and Goofy slept on clear squishy waterbeds, not plastic boxes. We need our greatest scientists and engineers to come together on this. Our best minds must work to keep aquatic life healthy and safe inside a translucent mattress full of water.
Is that really so much to ask? Yes, definitely. I am very well aware of what I am asking for here. But that’s why I am also willing to make concessions. The first is that this replica hotel does not need to be located along a highway in the middle of nowhere far from civilization. Let’s put it some place lots of people want to visit. That way it can stay in business even if that means losing the serenity of a quiet highway running through the middle of a beautiful natural stretch. I’m also willing to let them open a pool for the kids….so long as they maintain a quiet hot tub for adults.
Like Mr. Goof in A Goofy Movie, I want the full Neptune Inn experience. And that’s so much more than just the most in-depth theming ever built. It means making sure I am fully relaxed before I sleep in my classy waterbed full of fish. Now I just need a replica that can make that dream a reality.
Mikey Walsh is a staff writer at Nerdist. He normally hates waterbeds. You can follow him on Bluesky at @burgermike. And also anywhere someone is ranking the Targaryen kings.
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