It’s understandable why we lie to ourselves when times get tough. It can be easier in the short term to ignore problems and just hope they go away, but this method of coping with stress may cause more harm than good. “Everyone is in denial about something,’ says Shahram Heshmat PhD, via Psychology Today. “Self-deception, or lying to yourself, is simply a motivated false belief. False beliefs can satisfy important psychological needs of the individual (e.g., confidence in one’s abilities).” Here are 7 little white lies you tell yourself every day that could be undermining your physical and mental health.
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1. I Have To Be Perfect
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Do you tell yourself you have to be perfect? “Even if perfection were achievable, it’s not a healthy goal; as we discussed here not long ago, perfectionism can hold you back,” Lolly Daskal, President and CEO of Lead From Within says via Inc. “Remember that mistakes are part of being human–and sometimes they’re our most valuable teachers.”
2. Sorry Makes It Better
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Apologizing to someone does not automatically fix things. “When people tell themselves that an apology makes everything better after a trespass, they lie to themselves about the potential longer-lasting damage, which is a loss of trust,” says Seth Meyers, PsyD, via Psychology Today. “Most importantly, telling oneself that an apology makes everything better prevents the real work that must be done to convince the other that the relationship is truly safe and trustworthy.”
3. I’m Too Old To Change
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You are never too young or too old to change your life. “At 5, Mozart was already competent on keyboard and violin, and at 76, Nelson Mandela became president of South Africa. The truth is you are never too young or too old,” Daskal says.
4. I’m Not Hurt, I’m Angry
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If you feel angry about something, ask yourself if what you might really be feeling is hurt. “Remember that humans can feel more than one emotion at the same time and that they also may experience a sequence of different emotions if they are self-aware and honest with themselves,” Meyers says. “In my clinical work, I’ve found that individuals who report feeling angry or get stuck in an anger spiral often actually feel more hurt than angry, though they try hard to avoid acknowledging the hurt feelings.”
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5. Ignoring Problems Makes Them Go Away
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It’s tempting to pretend problems aren’t there, but this thinking makes things worse in the long run. “Procrastination, magical thinking, and rescue fantasies may help us avoid hard truths for a while,” Daskal says. “But reality always catches up, and the longer you wait the worse it becomes.”
6. I Don’t Judge Others
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Chances are, you are judging others subconsciously. “We all judge people,” Daskal says. “Researchers say we arrive at our first conclusion in less than a second. In some cases, it’s ourselves whom we’re judging, seeing how we measure up and fit in.”
7. The Grass Is Greener
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Are you convinced life would be better if it looked like what you see on social media?
“Given the influence of social media, for example, which can present a manipulated image, societal forces are hard at work in selling a dream and encouraging fantasy—or lies—over reality,” Meyers says. “While the impulse to believe that getting that new job, the nicer house, or even making a lot more money will finally lead to contentment, such changes rarely lead to true contentment. Accordingly, people often find that once they get to the place they’d told themselves would finally make them happy, it doesn’t really make them much happier.”