Married Couple’s Fight Over Daughter’s School Photo Ends In Divorce

It all went began on Reddit’s popular Am I the A–hole forum last month, when a father revealed how his wife’s reaction to their teen’s school portraits sparked a “huge argument” between them. Readers already had his back before he followed up his post with a new one a month later, giving an update that proved he really had the girl’s back.

Read on to see how it all played out.

OP (aka “original poster”) began his Reddit post by explaining he was a 60-year-old man, who’s been married to his 51-year-old wife for about 15 years. The two share a 17-year-old daughter he referred to as Hayoung — a fake name for posting purposes — who is a junior in high school. He later specified that both he and his wife are Asian and Hayoung is their biological child.

“Yesterday after school, Hayoung came up to me and my wife and showed me her school pictures, both her individual photo and her group/grade photo. They were taken all the way back in February, but they had just arrived today,” he explained. “I complimented Hayoung and told her how beautiful she looked in the photos, before telling her how proud I was to see her grow up throughout the ages, before showing my wife the pictures of our daughter.”

That, however, “did not go the way I thought/hoped it would go.”

“Instead of looking at it for a bit before saying something, my wife immediately pointed out to Hayoung that she was looking ‘too downward’ at the camera and that her eyes looked strained/forced,” he claimed. “I was a bit taken aback at first, but I decided to just keep listening. My wife then said to my daughter that ‘she would have to have rehearsals for school pictures with her for next year,’ because in my wife’s words ‘Hayoung still doesn’t understand how to properly pose, smile and look beautiful for a school picture.'”

He then claimed his wife said their daughter’s photo “is a fail,” before saying someone else in the photo looked “the prettiest out of everyone.” With that, the girl “got quiet and said ‘I’m gonna be honest, my picture this year is really bad compared to sophomore year.'”

OP said he “got mad” over the exchange and had a “huge argument” with his wife later that night. He said he told her she was “being cruel to our daughter” and there was “no point being so picky” over the photo since there was nothing to be done about them now. “My wife retaliated, saying that ‘Even Hayoung says that she doesn’t like how she looks in her school picture. I was just being honest! I’m only trying to help her!'” he claimed, adding that his wife then “went into her room and started crying, saying that I don’t understand her.”

Admitting he “raised my voice” during the argument, he wondered whether he was “the a–hole or not” in the situation. He said he also felt bad their daughter clearly overheard the argument, adding that he was feeling bad because “may have overreacted to something as simply as school pictures,” ruining his daughter’s evening and making his wife cry.

In an edit to his original post, the man explained that this isn’t the first time his wife has said something like this to their daughter — making him feel “even more terrible” he “let my daughter suffer like this” in the past. The whole thing left him feeling as if he “failed” his daughter.

“Hayoung always asked me every morning if she looked beautiful. She would always ask at mealtimes if she was eating too much. I’m so afraid of the damage we both put her through for so long,” he continued. “I’m so scared she’s going to develop am eating disorder and I’m going to make sure to set things straight with my wife and take care of my daughter better. She is always my first priority.”

The post generated More than 800 comments and an official “Not the A-hole” stamp — while sparking a lot of conversation around whether the family’s culture contributed to the issue.

“I am guessing based on the fake name that your wife is Korean? I know beauty standards there are super high and she could be projecting her own insecurities and maybe even comments that she got when she was young,” read the most popular comment. “Of course this is not okay but it could be worth sitting down with her and having a talk. Being 17 is tough as it is and having your own parents festering insecurity will damage her even further. NTA.”

OP replied, saying that he and his wife were both Korean and he was aware “beauty standards there are super tough so I’m probably going to talk to my wife privately to understand why she said that and checkup on Hayoung a bit before talking with my wife.”

“Do not let this slide. I had a Korean mother and an American upbringing. The way my mom spoke to me during high school damaged the way I looked at myself for decades,” read another comment.

“NTA as a fellow Korean. My mom was exactly like your wife when I was growing up,” wrote another. “Telling me I looked ugly in photos next to friends, commenting how fat I had gotten, criticizing the way I dressed, asking if I wanted to get plastic surgery to fix my eyes to look bigger… Your wife is severely damaging your daughter’s self-esteem and her relationship with Hayoung. Protect your daughter, please.”

In another reply, however, OP added, “We are both korean and this is not a cultural issue. This is about my daughter’s mental wellbeing and safety.”

Others felt the mother was projecting.

“NTA – your wife hates herself, and has now made SURE to pass that down to your daughter,” read a popular comment. “This generational cycle will continue. I suggest you get your daughter started with therapy so she can try and heal some of the damage your wife has done. All the best to you and your family 💕”

Wrote another, “NTA: it’s a school picture not a modeling audition. Good on you for standing up for your daughter.”

A month after his original query generated a lot of conversation and interest, OP returned to Reddit this week with a new post and a major life update.

He explained that he checked in with their daughter and could immediately yell she “was not okay.”

“As she talked, everything began to make sense. My daughter overheard her mother shaming her in front of the other church moms. She heard them boasting about their kids and her mother would use ‘condescending modesty’ e.g ‘She’s gained weight and she doesn’t even study hard,'” claimed OP. “She was tired of trying to surpass my wife’s expectations. She couldn’t stand it when my wife was in the house. She asked me ‘Why am I her diamond? She cuts me to make me ‘shine.’ How more of this should I take?'”

He then claimed their daughter told him she wanted her dad to divorce her mother, while he said he was “devastated it has reached this point.”

“When Hayoung was at school, I had a conversation with my wife. I brought up Hayoung’s concerns, along with mine. I asked my wife what made her put down my daughter on the day of the school picture incident,” he continued. “She made excuses such as having bad days, hence she’d ‘accidentally’ release her anger and other emotions by yelling, the silent treatment etc. I questioned further if there was anything in the past that was bothering her, which she replied snarkily,’ Nothing is bothering me. I raised her into a better person. If you have problems with how I’m raising her, she’s all yours. I don’t want to argue anymore, especially with a sensitive lazy person like you.'”

The man, however, said this was “the last straw” — as he was done seeing their daughter “consistently used as an emotional punching bag” by his wife. “I told my wife ‘We were done,’ then told her to pack up and leave. I ‘thanked’ her for letting me realize my self worth. After some time had passed, she had driven to her parents’ house and was staying there for a bit.”

“When Hayoung came back, she noticed her mom’s room was a lot barer than it was and knew what had happened. I hugged Hayoung and told her I was sorry for the mess I had caused, before reassuring her that nothing was her fault,” he continued. “I told her my ex wife would come back a few more times to collect the rest of her stuff, but our relationship was over.”

While he said the event “shook me up a lot,” he said he was confident things would get better and promised to always make his daughter “feel loved.” He concluded, “Hayoung, you are my universe and that will never change.”

OP’s followup post also generated quite a number of responses, many from people who supported the man’s decision to leave his wife.

“Yayy. Honestly, you’re a great dad for standing up to your wife,” read the most popular comment. “Teenagers need encouragement and not insults to motivate them. You really saved your daughter from a whole list of mental health issues. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾”

“You showed your kid that she is worth protecting, and that she deserves to be loved as she is,” read another. “It’s such a valuable thing for her to know. You’ve opened a path for her to live on her own terms. Excellent job.”

Others, however, doubted the validity of the tale — with one person writing, “I don’t believe a word of that story.” That comment picked up around 130 likes, and a response from someone saying, “Glad it’s not just me. The update is way too convenient and quick to be real.”

What do you think?