Twitter user @TanookiKuribo thought that they had a mystery on their hands when they noticed a store in their neighborhood that was perpetually closed. No matter what day, what time, the metal gate was shuttered fast, preventing both entry and inspection. I can only imagine the speed with which his eyebrows rocketed upwards when, passing the mysterious storefront, the metal gate that had held its secrets captive for so long was hoisted to waist height. I’m sure his gait quickened, the soles of his shoes catching on the New York pavement to bring him forward to the resolution of this enigma. But when he arrived, and ducked his head, the catharsis he sought did not greet him. Only more mystery.
Because the storefront in question was filled with nothing but dust, and a deeply, truly, unsettling bordering on ungodly amount of Hellman’s mayonnaise.
Since posting a picture of the store in question, Twitter has been theorizing about why this exists. Here are my top three personal theories:
SOMEONE ATTEMPTING TO MANIPULATE MAYONNAISE PRICES
Seeing the country squeezed by inflation across all sorts of consumer products, a particularly calculating individual has started stockpiling mayonnaise. Because of its ubiquity, mayonnaise is an essential resource linked to the sandwich market. This crafty investor is waiting for inflation and scarcity to hit its peak, when the mayonnaise trove will be unloaded at top dollar.